[寫作班] 托福第18週 november22, 4

看板ST-English (英文科技寫作)作者 (小馬兒要美夢成真^Q^)時間16年前 (2008/08/08 12:07), 編輯推噓2(2010)
留言12則, 2人參與, 最新討論串1/1
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Telephones and email have made communication between people less personal. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. I approve that the use of telephones and email have made communication between people less personal. For me, “personal” means privacy and the two meditating tools cannot guarantee personal privacy because this kind of mediation is not a totally private access. For instance, most employees won’t deny that it is not safe to use telephones owned by the companies while working. Some employers are used to record the conversations of their employees in order to detect their actions on work. This makes the workers feel uncomfortable, especially when their families or friends call in for private things. My mother told me she felt quite angry about the recording system of her company because his boss would show “care” for her family according the recorded contents of my mother’s conversation on the phone. This behavior made her extremely uncomfortable that her privacy was totally invaded. Likewise, the use of email may also causes the same problem- to copy other’s privacy easily. Especially, it is quite flexible for any receiver to send your email to others without permission. Once I wrote a private secret to my friend with email. I was angry because she sent this email to my other friends without consulting me in advance. My secret was opened to everyone! How embarrassed I was at that time! However, communicating mediations such as telephones and email indeed bring a lot of efficiency and convenience to human beings in modern ages. It saves time that we can get immediate responses from our receivers. Things are not always good. We have to tolerate the “ less privacy” while enjoying the efficiency and convenience of telephones and emails. 第一次加入寫作團隊,請多多指教,謝謝大家! 我九月要考TOEFL >_< -- 我想改變 臉變圓一點 讓心寬廣一點 讓我們的距離更短一點 -- ※ 發信站: 批踢踢實業坊(ptt.cc) ◆ From: 218.171.136.168 ※ 編輯: november22 來自: 218.171.136.168 (08/08 12:08)

08/08 22:50, , 1F
第一段...meditating? 定義的句子可以修改成幾個短句
08/08 22:50, 1F

08/08 22:51, , 2F
第二段,三個否定讀起來不太順。我會寫成most Es may
08/08 22:51, 2F

08/08 22:51, , 3F
agree that it is ....telephone in the company while..
08/08 22:51, 3F

08/08 22:52, , 4F
Some employers record.... be used to +Ving 是"習慣"
08/08 22:52, 4F

08/08 22:54, , 5F
第三段 may cause ...-- (兩橫) what's "copy privacy?"
08/08 22:54, 5F

08/08 22:55, , 6F
I used to write an email to my friend.
08/08 22:55, 6F

08/08 22:56, , 7F
(上面改逗點) but she should send it to others without
08/08 22:56, 7F

08/08 22:57, , 8F
my permission. I was really mad with her.
08/08 22:57, 8F

08/08 22:58, , 9F
建議把最後一段放到第二段,先寫出它的好,再來批評
08/08 22:58, 9F

08/08 22:58, , 10F
然後 最後一段再參考標準寫法。字數也是要增加
08/08 22:58, 10F

08/08 22:59, , 11F
加油^_^
08/08 22:59, 11F

08/10 20:58, , 12F
非常謝謝^_^
08/10 20:58, 12F
文章代碼(AID): #18cyQFUk (ST-English)
文章代碼(AID): #18cyQFUk (ST-English)