[分享] 寫作主題該怎麼寫？實例討論已刪文

看板TOEFL_iBT (TOEFL_iBT托福)作者dearamelia (Lia Hsu)時間8年前 (2018/03/06 14:43)推噓0(0推 0噓 0→)

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大家好，我是SK2 TOEFL 的 Lia～我們都知道，寫托福作文時，主題句的撰寫相當重要，因為此句表達的是段落的核心。甚至，有人說，主題句架設得得好，其餘的文章就像一陣清風一樣，寫得簡單又舒服。然而，主題句到底該怎麼寫才會寫得正確，又寫得優雅呢？讓我來用平時幫學生改的主題句和各位說明在寫主題句時常犯的錯誤吧！（今天的練習是較硬性的教學，若你想要讀更為循序漸進的寫作引導，歡迎同學參考我之前寫過的寫作系列文章）首先，請同學想想看，如果你是老師，你將如何批改以下幾句主題句呢？ Q: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement It it a waste of money for government to fund space travel and space exploration. 主題句1：First of all, the govenment should care about their citizen’s education. Funding space travel and space exploration is not crucial budget for citizen’s education. 主題句2：Futhermore, the govenment should care about their fundmental infrastructure. Investing space travel and space exploration is exclusive with budget of these fundmental infrastructure. Q: Cooperative ability is more important than leadership. 主題句1：First of all, most people care about efficiency. Instead of leadership, a person with cooperative ability can communicate with others more efficient. 主題句2：Last but not least, I am an outgoing person. With the ability of cooperative, I can make a lot of friend. 主題句的改法很簡單： 1. 注意整句是否與題目扣緊，是否有回答到問題本身？ 2. 注意該句的語意是否清楚 3. 注意該句的文法、用字及拼字 4. 如果行有餘力，你可以再檢查一次整體的寫作邏輯是否順暢讀完了上述的句子，記得在紙上為各句寫兩到三個你覺得有語病的地方。當你做完了上述的練習，請看我改寫後的例子，以及我所給出解釋： Q: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement It it a waste of money for government to fund space travel and space exploration. 主題句1：First of all, the government should care about their citizen’s education; yet funding space travel and space exploration will sacrifice the budget meant for citizen ’s education.後句因語意不清，併至前句，刪除 “is not crucial budget for citizen’s education.”主題句盡可能一句話講完，故作此安排。主題句2：Furthermore, the government should care about their fundamental infrastructure; yet investing in space travel and space exploration takes away the budget planned for construction. 句子後面因語意不清、且文法不夠清楚，導致讀者看不懂，故刪除 “is exclusive with(?) budget of these fundamental infrastructure.”is exclusive with 的用法錯誤，基礎建設用infrastructure 一字即可。 Q: Cooperative ability is more important than leadership. 主題句1：First of all, most people care about efficiency, and the ability to cooperative with others brings along more efficiency for oneself and others. In other words, instead of leadership, a person with cooperative abilities can communicate with others more efficiently. This is why this skill is more important compared to the ability to lead. 觀察句型，此四句最重要的問題應是「文法不夠清楚」，而非「文法錯誤」。同學的文法加上「所選擇使用」的句型，會讓讀者看不出講者的邏輯。舉個簡單的例子，在上面的原句：Instead of leadership, a person with the ability to cooperate can communicate with others more efficient.Instead of leadership 跟後面的 a person with cooperative skills 並沒有在文法格式及內容上都沒有平行。若真想寫出原句的意思，較適當的寫法是：Instead of owning abilities to lead, one should focus more on cultivating cooperative skills. 寫完了此句，再將此概念跟題目扣緊。從此，你可以觀察出，同學一旦用更複雜的句型，文法會顯得更混亂，句子焦點將更不清楚！而這樣的狀況，在我批改較難的題目時特別容易出現。不知道為什麼，在寫比較難的托福題目時，往往有更多同學因為「選擇使用」複雜句型而搞死自己，真是可惜。這樣寫作，實際上會導致你的作文不清楚，甚至會離題呢！主題句2：Last but not least, I am an outgoing person. With the ability of cooperative, I can make a lot of friends. 注意到了嗎？原本的題目並非在問你(you)喔！因此，大家在寫作文時，自然也不能用 I 為你論述的對象。既然題目的對象不是 I 而是 people，各位在寫作時當然就不能講到人的個性很outgoing了— 並不是每一個人，都很outgoing。正確的寫法應該是： Last but not least, people usually desire for friends, and compared to leadership skills, cooperative skills bring more friends. 這篇文章短而精華，不知道大家在經過上述的練習之後，有沒有更了解如何寫主題句呢？這篇範例出自於我和學生的真實對話（作業已經過學生本人同意分享），觀察改寫前和改寫後的版本，各位不難發現，所謂的主題句，應是清楚、直接而明確的。如果你還有作文上不懂的地方，歡迎你來我的課堂上找我討論！你可以：1. 報名我的免費公開課 — 這個月我有兩場公開課，分別教閱讀及口說寫作（報名網址在這邊：https://goo.gl/KAzi9Q） 2. 或是來我的課上免費試聽！我們的課都有開放旁聽，若你想旁聽我的課程，歡迎你洽 pretoeflconsultant@gmail.com 了解更多。旁聽課程可以直接選擇你想聽四科哪一科，選擇你最弱的科目前來吧！當你有問題時，透過上面的任何一種途徑都可直接見到我！屆時，你可帶上你的托福問題，我都會盡全力為你解答！（每位問問題的學生都將有和我一對一的諮詢的機會，別害羞囉 :) ）以上是我今天的分享，下一次，繳作文前，記得再審審你的主題句吧！ Enjoy your March! ～～SK2 TOEFL Lia -- ※ 發信站: 批踢踢實業坊(ptt.cc), 來自: 76.9.81.130 ※ 文章網址: https://www.ptt.cc/bbs/TOEFL_iBT/M.1520318582.A.BB0.html ※ 編輯: dearamelia (76.9.81.130), 03/06/2018 14:47:29