[寫作] 作文一篇請高人指點

看板GEPT (全民英檢)作者 (衝)時間13年前 (2012/02/09 23:00), 編輯推噓1(106)
留言7則, 2人參與, 最新討論串1/2 (看更多)
題目是之前英文指考作文題目 對畢業典禮的看法並提出一些意見改善目前畢業典禮的現況 I think graduation ceremony should be heart-warming and commemorable. It will recall me the bitter sweet memories during school days by looking in those faces of classmates and teachers. Also attendance of parents , relatives and friends will make our graduates very emotional exciting. I consider that is a proud thing to accomplish one milestone of life with families’witness and blessing. Generally speaking , the leading light of the ceremony should be graduates , not those celebrities and officials. A long speech makes people drowsy and fidgets. That might leave audiences to find recreation such as taking photos and chatting to kill time. Let graduates come up to stage expressing feeling by random perhaps could catch audiences' attention. If these lucky fellows can receive presents at the same time, that will be fabulous. Otherwise,that will intensify the sorrow of departure and unsure of future if they see the old face always prized in the end of semesters going to stage celebrated again. 小人的目標是中高級 上次考得不理想只有60 希望從頭練起 所以句子很樸素 謝謝指教^ ^ -- ※ 發信站: 批踢踢實業坊(ptt.cc) ◆ From: 220.143.24.71

02/10 15:01, , 1F
除了H兄改的字句之外,你最大的問題是結構。
02/10 15:01, 1F

02/10 15:02, , 2F
結構是骨架,字句如皮肉。結構散亂,肌強膚嫩也沒用。
02/10 15:02, 2F

02/10 15:05, , 3F
建議找本作文書,內容要有「主題句」、「支持句」的介紹
02/10 15:05, 3F

02/10 15:07, , 4F
。另外,你的字句其實要再簡化,先求通順。
02/10 15:07, 4F

02/10 15:07, , 5F
分數如果差很少,那是「不夠好」。差很多,那表示有根
02/10 15:07, 5F

02/10 15:07, , 6F
本性的問題。
02/10 15:07, 6F

02/10 20:33, , 7F
謝謝您的意見
02/10 20:33, 7F
文章代碼(AID): #1FCz-Ki3 (GEPT)
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文章代碼(AID): #1FCz-Ki3 (GEPT)