Re: [寫作班] 托福第五週 JennyQ-3

看板ST-English (英文科技寫作)作者dvlin (Dee)時間16年前 (2008/03/18 05:19)推噓3(3推 0噓 8→)

留言11則, 3人參與討論串2/2 (看更多)

※ 引述《jennyQ (Jenny McChang)》之銘言： : Human kind's life span has increased much longer nowadays. There are Humankind's ^^^^^^^^^ ^^^^^^ *redundant; change to "has increased very much" or "has become much longer" : three crucial reasons for this phenomenon: better hygiene, medicine ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ : development growing largely, and providing food sufficiently. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ *When you list things, you should use the same case for each one. e.g., "better hygiene, growing medicinal development, and sufficient food supply." : Along with the evolution of economy, people improve their lifes greatly. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ : Hence, they pay more attention on living qualities. They started to think ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ *There is redundancy again. Suggestion: "Along with the evolution of economy, people start to pay more attention on their quality of life." : about personal and public hygiene was critical factor about living qualities ^^^^^ as factors of : and health. People can not live in a dirty, disgusting place without having ^^^^^^ : infected by small organisms. More and more researched have found that ^^^^^^^^ having been infected researches what : disease may be caused by what pathogens and how they transmit. Gorvernments diseases Governments : began to advocate the importance of hygiene and preventer of exposion to ^^^^^^^^^^ prevention of exposure awareness ^the *Whether something is "important" is not up to the government to decide. That hygiene is important is a fact, and what the government does (or should do) is to raise the "awareness" of the fact. : pathogens. : Another reason why hygiene has been improving is that prosperous economy : makes people can pay for a better living environment. The GDP of a country ^^^^^ ^^^ ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ "allows people to pay..." or "enables people to pay..." : is always in proportion to the hygiene of the country. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ *This may not be so important for TOEFL, but if you're writing a research paper, you have to include information to back this up! : The second reason for people's longer life span is medicine development medicinal ^that : has progressed extremely. Scientists work diligently on finding causes and : therapies of diseases. Drugs cure most of ills, progressed sugery instruments ^^ xx surgical "causes of" and "therapies for" : help doctors handle the unexpected. Even gene therapy can cure many disease : that were formerly fatal. Vaccines prevent infecting from various pathogens. infection : New devices and methods help enable people to inspect physical conditions xxxx ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ *or "diagnose" : correctly and find abnormalities earlier. *or "accurately" : The advances in agriculture and food industry make us keep away from ^the ^^^^ ^^^^^^^^^ keep us from starving. : starving. Human beings' population has been soaring because of plenty food ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ human population : supply. Starvation is a major cause of death in ancient times. Now we no ^^used to be : longer suffer from lacking food intake. lack of *at least in developed countries... : Better hygiene, progression of medicine, and sufficient of food make sufficiency : humans live longer. However, new problems are coming out with the longer life : span. Such as geriatric problems will be next hot potatoes we should face. ^^^^^^^^^^ ^^^^^^^^^^^^* "span, such as geriatric problems, which will be..." or "span. For example, geriatric problems will be..." *Did you mean 燙手山芋? Never try to translate idiomatic expressions directly! : <thanks for any suggestions.> As a (former) student of science, I am happy to see you tackle this topic with such a scientific approach. Pay more attention to your verb usage: where to put them, and when to use the gerund form (and when to use the derived noun instead). -- 一個學術英文寫作領域的討論板在 PTT （telnet:ptt.cc〉【分組討論區】 --> 11 國家研究院政治, 文學, 學術 --> 科學學術研究院 --> 學術總合研究中心 --> ★ST-English PTT 學術英文/論文寫作班 -- ※ 發信站: 批踢踢實業坊(ptt.cc) ◆ From: 99.231.10.180