Re: [寫作班] 托福第15週,dwings,1

看板ST-English (英文科技寫作)作者fleuve (:D)時間16年前 (2008/07/04 02:47)推噓0(0推 0噓 0→)

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※ 引述《dwings (夜空的精靈)》之銘言： : Some people think that the automobile has improved modern life. Others : think that the automobile has caused serious problems. What is your : opinion? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. : I think the automobile has improved modern life. When people invented : automobile, the way of people living have been more convenient and efficient When the automobile was invented, the way of people's living became more convenient and efficient than that of the past. "When..." 把它改成被動句是因為我覺得"people"在這一句不是重點，重點不是 automobile被誰發明～而是在automobile本身︿︿ : than past. The advantages of automobile should not be neglected just because of : some fixable problems. There are still many reasons support my argument, some solvable problems 會好一點點 ^that : and I will mention some important ones below. in the following : I have to admit that automobile is one of the factors producing air pollution. xxxxxxx of the : Some people even state that automobile causes serious problems, such as 中間用", and" 把兩句連起來語意可能會更連貫 : traffic congestions and car accidents. However, those problems will be : gradually solved as the development of technology. For example, scientists technology matures/progresses/develops : have already created the new type of car without using fuel. Furthermore, : complete systems should be key solutions to reduce car accidents and traffic ----------------what systems? : problems. Without proper policies, there will be still harm to the environment -----------------------? : resulting from different factors. Therefore, it can not be denied that --------------------------------? 這句不知道要怎麼跟上下文連結，感覺有點像是突然多出來的 The cohesion of the paragraph is a little bit violated. : automobile is necessary to human activities. : Automobile actually increases the standard of personal living. It helps people people's : broaden the field of life and narrow the distance from different places. between : In the past, people had to live in the core city. It took a long time to center of the city : transport to another city or country. Nowadays, people only spent a few hours : going to other places. They can choose where to live as far as possible. : Moreover, if people want to travel around a country with as their wishes, xxxx wish : the most convenient way is renting a car. People can choose to arrive to the to rent : destination directly, or take time to play along the trip. Automobile make makes : people access to everywhere at anytime easily, and it is so important to have access any time , which is : modern live. : In addition, as improved equipments of automobile, the process of driving a car the equipment of automobile improves, ... : becomes a kind of entertainment-comfortable seats, great audio system, even -------------------------awkward : screen playing movies. People can make a lot of fun and enjoy the time spending : in the car. Consequently, automobile changes personal lifestyle into : better one. ^a : 時間又不夠了....>.<: 整體來說還不錯，念起來滿順的，論點也很清楚（雖然support可以再多一兩個~）。不過第三段把一個可以在三四行內說完的論點用了一整大段闡述~~ 而結尾部分有一些ideas是前面沒有提及的這個好像比較不符合英文寫作＠＠ Conclusion部分通常是summarize或是strengthen the previous arguments the writer has mentioned.所以結尾這樣會有點倉促不過因為你是限時寫的啦，以後可以不限時看看XD For your reference. ^^; fleuve -- 然後有一天我ꄠ 靠在窗前，會發現原來我是株 ╭╮──╪──╭╮ 不＊ fleuve ＊需要陽光的植物︴1mK︴30m直到有一天我閉上眼睛 ╰╯──╪──╰╯ 看不見自己、卻可以看見你…ꄠ ♂ -- ※ 編輯: fleuve 來自: 118.168.36.109 (08/11 02:39)