Re: [寫作班] 托福第32週 David 4

看板ST-English (英文科技寫作)作者excrement (the essence of love)時間15年前 (2009/03/23 04:55)推噓1(1推 0噓 1→)

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Overall it's a nice essay with many vivid descriptions. Just a few reminders. 1. Remember that French means the French language or French people. If you refer to the country, that's France. 2. Louvre museum is understood but not widely used. A more commomly used term in English is "the Louvre." So be sure to use this term instead. The problem applies to Mona Lisa painting. It can be called "the Mona Lisa", or by its official name "Portrait of Lisa Gherardini, wife of Francesco del Giocondo" 3. In the 3rd paragraph the focus seems to be on the magnificence of the Louvre instead of why you want to stay in France for weeks. If there is only an attraction in France, the reason might not be persuasive enough. so you might want to come up with more reasons other than visiting the Louvre. 4. You also mention a new friend you have met, but you put too many details on how you two met each other (which is not the main point in this essay). so you might just mention a little bit that you met a French professor at a conference and he invited you to France. and then you can elaborate how that can be a good reason for you to stay there (free acommodations? he will take you to the places that most visitors don't know?) ※ 引述《cccching (不同的味道)》之銘言： : 4. You have the opportunity to visit a foreign country for two weeks. Which : foreign country would you like to visit? : --------------------------------------------------------- : It is always my dream to travel around the world. I really enjoy experiencing : diverse culture, to meet people from different countries, or to spot : agnificent scene or historical architecture such as Taiwan's Taroko Gorge : or Nagoya castle in Japan. When it comes to my favorite country visited firstly, : French should be the priority in my list. To be more specific, it is Louvre : Museum mostly attracted me in French for its abundant historical and cultural : treasures and those made by da Vinci in particular. : It is an undeniable fact that what is the most well-known painting all over : the world is "Mona Lisa", the laughing one, famous by her elusive smile on : face, created by da Vinci in the 1500s and now exhibited in Louvre Museum. : When imagine myself standing front this real artwork, I can't help falling : in the mode fulfilled with admiration and curiosity of his genius and : erudition, being a scientist, painter, engineer, botanist, even a great : inventor. Some other famous paintings made by da Vinci are also exhibited : in Louvre Museum, for example the "Virgin of the Rocks." I want to immerse : myself to “feel” da Vinci in Louvre Museum. : It is universally acknowledged that Louvre Museum is the most visited art : and historical museum, boasts many treasures attracted thousands of internal : and foreign visitors every day, located in the Louvre Palace near Seine River. More than once I watched the introduced programs about Louvre Museum on TV : channel and imagined the scene to stand front the magnificent glass pyramid : and Palace and dwarfed by the stunning architecture. : A personal reason for me is a promise to visit a friend in French who is : Prof. Maku, an honor professor in French and also a major editor of a top : hydrology journal, a such kindly and humorous person as a French, came to : Taipei last year for discussing with cooperative research project. I had : an excellent opportunity to explain and discuss the project abstract and : material with him. Finally we became good friends and he invited me to visit : his university in French. : As a whole, if I have the opportunity to visit a foreign country for two weeks, : I would visit French not only to enjoy artworks in Lourve Museum, especially : those made by da Vinci, but also to meet a new friend. -- ※ 發信站: 批踢踢實業坊(ptt.cc) ◆ From: 128.205.231.174