Re: [寫作班] 托福第32週 jarlinlove 1

看板ST-English (英文科技寫作)作者excrement (the essence of love)時間15年前 (2009/03/26 22:42)推噓1(1推 0噓 3→)

留言4則, 1人參與討論串2/2 (看更多)

the organization is improved with a clear intro and reasoning. The most serious problem in this essay, in my view, is the introduction and the conclusion. You use most of the introduction to describe that a zoo has a useful purpose, but then in the end your argument is a zoo is not useful. The introduction makes readers confused about which side you are taking. If you want to say that a zoo should not exist, then stick to that argument. You don't need to say both are good. And that applies to the conclusion. For the third reason you say that a zoo is often in the city not in the countryside and people faraway can not visit...I don't find it persuasive. For many other countries zoos are in the countryside; in addition, why people faraway cannot vist those zoos? Maybe you want to say that the entrance fee is usually so high so as to exclude the poor? ※ 引述《jarlinlove (永夜角聲悲自語)》之銘言： : 1. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A zoo has no : useful purpose. : ========================================================== : Gathering species of animals, especially the rare ones from all over the : world, in a space for the public to appreciate is the main use of a zoo. : Antarctic King Penguins, Australian koalas, and the recent China pandas are : welcome guests in a zoo for people to view. Therefore, a zoo definitely has : useful purpose, which is not useful enough in my opinion. : First of all, establishing a zoo is very costly for the government. Due : to the various kinds of animals, such as nocturnal animals, carnivorous : animals and polar animals, we need many facilities to imitate their original : habitats. However, one specific living space is usually only suitable for a : few animals. : Secondly, migrating animals from their hometowns to new environments : will sometimes do harm to them. Regardless of the mock equipment, some : animals still find it hard to accommodate themselves to it and die in the : end. The intention to exhibit scarce creatures turns out to make them : disappear. : Thirdly, a zoo is mostly located in the city. For those who live in the : countryside, they have fewer chances to view the animals. With the purpose to : broaden the horizons of people by displaying different animals, a zoo still : cannot benefit every one. As above mentioned, I think a zoo truly has a : useful purpose, but it is still not useful enough. -- ※ 發信站: 批踢踢實業坊(ptt.cc) ◆ From: 128.205.231.174 ※ 編輯: excrement 來自: 128.205.231.174 (03/26 22:43)