Re: [寫作班] 托福第35週 Anthony

看板ST-English (英文科技寫作)作者excrement (the essence of love)時間15年前 (2009/05/24 07:24)推噓4(4推 0噓 1→)

留言5則, 4人參與討論串2/2 (看更多)

This essay is much improved! the 1st para is well written. ※ 引述《clhs04 (bibby)》之銘言： : Groups or organizations are an important part of some people's lives. : Why are groups or organizations important to people? : It seems to be the nature of human beings to gather together to do something : and we can always see people get together in groups and also see some : organizations. Why are groups or organizations so important to human beings? : In my viewpoint the deep need for intimacy, the benefit of broadening our views : , the possibility to fulfill tasks of great difficulty and the pursuit of : higher working efficiency are reasonable explanations to the tendency of : people’s gregarious nature. : The deep need for intimacy is the first explanation to the gathering of people. : The deep need for intimacy, to some extent, has something to do with the strong : feeling of belongingness. For emotional concerns, as you can see, couples enjoy : each other’s company and hugs and family members sit around a dining table : having meals and chats. Emotions, such as love between couples, parents and : children, brothers and sisters, are the driving force to the existence of : families. It is lover and our family give us warmth and happiness and satisfy : the intrinsic need for being loved, which is deeply hidden in the bottom of : our heart. One wouldn’t suffer from the feeling of loneliness if he or she : has strong belongingness to his or her family and lover. : Adding on more colors to our daily lives is another reason why people tend to : get together. Raised up by our own family, we somehow live our lives in the : same patterns and styles as our parents do. Also, it is quite possible for us : to regard those opinions and viewpoints which conflict with what we were : taught as unacceptable ones. Through the exchange of information we would : have more chance to see the world that different from what we have thought : before. The broadening of our views and the pleasure of stepping into a new : territory make us see things in an all-round way. That’s why we tend to : contact new friends because they can always bring us something new and ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~is making new friends an advantage of being in a group? : surprising. Here you have some nice examples. However, I would suggest that you make the same example (ex. a group of researchers). Reason: in the 2nd para you mention the benefits of a family, but in the 3rd you somehow contradict yourself by saying that family willl somehow narrow people's views. and in the next para you mention a lot of research. Although they are all nice examples, I think it would be more congruent if you can make one group as an example and talk about different advantages of being in that group. : Making some difficult tasks possible or the pursuit of higher working : efficiency is another motivation for people to work in groups. The development : of science and technology becomes better and better with increasing time that : some advanced technology of great complexity, such as robotics, genetic mapping : and nuclear reactors, are interdisciplinary studies and obviously they need : experts from every field to solve the problems. For example, the research and the sentence starting from "the development..." is too long. : development of nuclear engineering calls for the help of material science, : thermal-hydraulic studies, radiation shielding technology and electronic : control system. As for the pursuit of higher efficiency, people gather together : to build a team and shoulder the responsibility to finish different tasks based : on their aptitudes and talents respectively. For instance, someone of good : leadership should guide the team in the right way and ensure the good quality : of team chemistry. As for those who are good at design they should asked to : finish the blueprints. : To conclude, people gather together for several reasons and I think it’s due : to the deeply hidden needs for being loved, the crave for enriching our lives, ~~~~~it's V not N : the possibility to the fulfillment of research and development of advanced : technology and also for the concerns of higher working efficiency. the final para: the advantages are somehow different from those in the 1st para? the possibility for great research is an example, not a part of your claims. -- ※ 發信站: 批踢踢實業坊(ptt.cc) ◆ From: 128.205.231.174