Re: [履歷] 應屆畢業生英文自傳求批

看板Salary (工作職場)作者forlin (無限遠走)時間11年前 (2015/04/04 20:05)推噓11(11推 0噓 1→)

留言12則, 12人參與討論串2/2 (看更多)

※ 引述《a765112223 (芹菜)》之銘言：整體文法用字都有待加強但我沒有全部改出來只針對邏輯跟內容上的問題做評論 (如果有不對的地方也歡迎板上的朋友提出意見) : Extends the deep respect to your industrious work, even you are very busy. : Thanks to glance through my material. And hoped that it can open an : opportunity and the success gate for me. 1. 以上整段全刪客套話不用寫在求職自傳上 : My name is ooxx, Betty is my English name. I do a Master’s. degree 2. 姓名這兩句也刪履歷一開頭就有你的姓名不須贅述 3. Master's.(為什麼會有點?) degree 請改成 master's degree 只有當指特定的碩士學位如M.B.A. 才會用大寫 : in finance at National oo University and research on Fixed-Income : security. The topic of my paper is ‘Information uncertainty and corporation : bonds’ liquidity’. I choose to research fixed-income because its low : volatility and it can take stable income. I believe that it will be helpful : not only for my work in the future but my financial planning. 4. paper改成thesis 5. 這段看不出來你的碩士論文/學位跟應徵金融業儲幹有甚麼關係 : I learned to be independent and helped to take care of my younger brother : when I was a child. It makes me become a thoughtful, reliable, and : down-to-earth person. That’s why I always be the leader in many groups. 6. 照顧家人跟成為團隊領導的關係是？ 7. 如果你要用always be the leader in groups, 那理論上下一段你要提出非常強的論述去證明這句話 : In 2010, I entered a contest which named World Economic Outlook Essay : Competition with my friends. We had to organize three English papers and an : English article in three hours, then presented them to judges. I used topics : and abstracts of those paper to know the contest and let my teammates connect : to the article. We spent two hours to organize them, and different from other : teams we have more time to do analysis. We not only presented the information : of those material but elaborate our conclusions. Then we got a silver medal. 8. 這段是強調競賽的經驗我會建議你用條列法舉出重點(成果/負責工作/能力培養) 　　而不是過程流水帳例如: Winning the silver medal in World Economic Outlook Essay Competition in 2010, responsible for xxxxxx, showing that I am capable of doing xxxxxxxx : During the institute, because of classmates’ reliance and professors’ : recognition I continue to hold the leader of the class when reelected, even : been picked for assistant of EMBA program to solve all of those students’ : problems. Of all assistant, they most favorite me. Whenever they need help, : thy always find me to help deal. I'm not just an assistant, but their : secretary. 　9. 這段是研究所打工經驗(?) 建議格式如上段列成第二點 10. 結論收在 I am not just an assistant but their secretary 個人覺得非常怪(至少從你敘述的方式跟金融業儲幹連不起來) : I also be administrative assistant in department of finance general office. : Due to strong sense of responsibility, I don’t just finish my job, every : time they have many works to do, I’m always ready to help to relieve their : heavy workload. They tell me that I’m the most proactive assistant. For this : reason I’ve worked here more than one year. 11. 建議格式如前列成第三點 12. proactive is a good term to be used in a CV, but I don't see you address it in a reasonable way, I only see you emphasise that you are ready to work overtime (which is very different from being proactive). : Volleyball’s group mentality is the reason that I'm fanatic about this : sport. Fighting with teammates and sharing the honor to each other are : wonderful things for me. In college, I’ve been an event planner for annually : beach volleyball activity many times. When I had different thinking from : others, I tried to stand in others’ shoes and ask seniors for suggestions in : order to solve the problem and make the following work be carried on : smoothly. 13. 社團活動經驗建議下個標題跟先前工作實務經驗作區隔不然延續前段很不搭 14. 這段敘述中我看不到任何"實例"去論述你具備溝通不同意見的能力在履歷自傳上很重要的原則是，你宣稱自己有這項能力，都應該要拿得出　　一個甚至更多的例子 : With my great specialized knowledge of finance and highly proactive, I am : confident that I will fit management associate. It's been said, ‘Where there : ’s a will, there’s the way!’ I believe that pressure can make me grow up, : so I’m not afraid of meeting challenge. China Development Financial Holdings : gives good opportunity and a series of well-designed training sessions to : make freshmen become an excellent MA. Wish you can give me a chance to prove : it. I am eager to be one of the programmers and I will pay attention to your : firm's development as always, and express my sincerest wish. 15. Great specialized knowledge? 如果履歷有附上數篇得獎論文的話我才會這樣寫 16. 後面客套話我不會加除非這些客套話可以增強對方對我在能力上的印象 -- ※ 發信站: 批踢踢實業坊(ptt.cc), 來自: 1.162.12.123 ※ 文章網址: https://www.ptt.cc/bbs/Salary/M.1428149109.A.932.html