[請益] 請大家指教我的獨立寫作 格式和哪邊可以改進 謝謝

看板TOEFL_iBT (TOEFL_iBT托福)作者 (東方翔)時間16年前 (2009/12/04 19:59), 編輯推噓0(003)
留言3則, 1人參與, 最新討論串1/1
如提 獨立寫作 請大家多多指教 Q8: What changed will there be in the future? The future has been always the hype or the skills existing in the movies, but does those plots show the whole picture? Nobody knows. But it is obvious that the future trend hasn't waned ever, it fully presents human's desperate desire to envision and probe the future world. In my opinion, future is the one which envisioned in the movies with intelligent robots, automated infrastructures, more progressive and developed invention brought to us. Moreover, the genetic engineering, which is nowadays controversial, will perhaps be carried out and actualized in the future, and the clone of human will not make the front page. What's most important is the impact global warming will have on us, on the other hand, perhaps some countries or regions will be submerged under the sea level "thanks to" the damage human have caused to our planet-earth. However, perhaps it is hard to imagine how catastrophic impact this phenomena will bring to us, but let us see this in a brighter side, in the future human may come up with the countermeasure to counter it perhaps by means of stopping exploiting earth or moving to other planets which we really have no idea yet. It is still an enigma or question mark for us to dig out or explore, because after all, it all about the future. Take the cartoon "Doraemon", a Japanese cartoon, for instance, it tells about a robot cat coming from 22 century backs to 21 century to admonish his future master to study hard lest being useless in the future. In this work, there are lots of future props invented in the future showing up to help his master, and there is even time machine he and his master can take to any era they want to travel. In addition to the interesting one mentioned above, there are still lots of movies or videos based on the future plot. Such as a video designed by Discovery channel, it shows about the future earth without human, who will be extinct by destructive flood, to warn everyone not to exploit or consume our planet. To conclude, in the pragmatic side, we human really have no idea what will happen in the future, but one thing is for sure: change it at this moment. Development and progress must be made in the future, but we can't ever forget to live this moment well. 我感覺結論不知道怎麼作ㄝ? 還有感覺有點小偏題? 謝謝大家給我指教^^ -- ※ 發信站: 批踢踢實業坊(ptt.cc) ◆ From: 163.13.33.26

12/04 22:02, , 1F
ideas是很好 但是句型段落有問題 你有很多句子該斷不
12/04 22:02, 1F

12/04 22:03, , 2F
斷 很容易造成fragment 另外一開頭直接表達出主旨
12/04 22:03, 2F

12/04 22:04, , 3F
不要用rehoric sentence 反問
12/04 22:04, 3F
文章代碼(AID): #1B6FcWc4 (TOEFL_iBT)
文章代碼(AID): #1B6FcWc4 (TOEFL_iBT)