Re: [請益] 快被外國老師搞混了求教Argument Essay寫作

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※ 引述《D122 (小黑球)》之銘言： : 如題小弟最近在外國讀語言學校 : 雖然是語言的不同文法用詞習慣讓我寫英文文章一直受到挫折 : 但最近寫Argument Essay一直跟老師有疑惑的點對不上 : 以下是小弟目前草稿 : Gender Topless Equality : Have you ever thought that it is strange that only men can be topless? : In : fact, the attitudes toward women’s bodies are still conservative. For : example, social media, like Instagram, prohibits any pictures with women’s : nipples, but Instagram requires “every” user to wear clothes. In 2015, Adda : Smardottir, a student, held the activity “Free the nipple”. She argued with : the unfair standard of social media. In short, currently, some people still : cannot accept topless women, but actually, bare breasts are not as bad as : most people think, and this argument can be made on three sides, gender : equality, social media, and patriarchy. : Gender topless equality is really a part of gender equality. In our : daily : life, women always wear bras and cover their breasts. Some people think that : it is common, while some people think that it is illogical. Steinfeld (2017) : claimed that women have totally different opinions to whether they can show : their breasts. These differences depend on how they were born and grew up. : Most of all, it is true that attitudes toward genders, especially when : topless, are not equality. However, Steinfeld (2017) showed that in some : cultures around the world, like aboriginal communities, women go topless to : this day. Hence, topless women might not be bad as some people think, and not : every person can not accept topless women. Actually, male and female breasts : are similar in composition, and breasts are just parts of people, but society : just rejects women’s breasts. It is unreasonable, and the right of topless : really belongs to women. Only when women really have the right to decide : whether they show their breasts, Gender equality will exist. : In social media, pictures with topless women are not allowed to be : posted. : Wheeling (2015) showed that Facebook and Instagram have the double standard : when judging pictures with bare humans, and many users’ accounts are closed : due the rule of posting pictures. Moreover, Steinfeld (2017) claimed that the : reason why Facebook banned the topless pictures is that Facebook thought that : some audiences may be sensitive to the pictures. It is necessary to consider : users’ positions. However, Fischtein (2015) mentioned that people aged 60 : and over were least accepting of female topless behavior. It is because older : people tend to be more conservative. It means that the most main users of : social media, younger peoples, accept topless women more than older people. : For another, Steinfeld (2017) claimed that the laws of public indecency are : nebulous, so people can explain them in their own ways. In conclusion, the : reason why Facebook banned users is not very reasonable, because just : minority users can not accept pictures with topless women, but they really : have a choice to reject them. In addition, to argue this controversial : phenomenon, artists created the image of “an acceptable nipple”, a male : nipple for people to paste it on their topless pictures. 先說，我剛剛推文把Wheeling看成第一句，我錯了。而且剛剛推文只是快速看過，表達還是有不好地方。第一個引用：Wheeling(2015) 說明在social media有雙重標準，但沒有表達出女性受到較不公平對待，你要不要找原文有更明確的句子。第二個引用：Steinfeld(2017) 但是，這個引用無說明出男女受到差異性對待，只是說有些人對這類圖片很敏感。原文可能有更精準的句子，你找看看。第三個引用：此說明在60歲以上年長者，對女性裸露接受度是最低，原因是他們比較保守。但是你過度延伸意思在It means這句話。首先，原引用句無指出在social media ，你加了social media，如果原引用文有，你就要加上引用句，否則你自己更改作者意思，作者可能只是問卷調查，被你改成social media；再來，the most main users也是一樣。我覺得這個引用有擦到主旨，只是不知道原文有沒有特指social media。在立場上， moreover連接第一第二引用，視為同立場。It's necessary... 這句在支持第二個引用，緊接著是however，然後第三個引用。既然第三有擦到邊，前又有however，所以前兩個引用，與第三是對立面嗎？即使第一個引用，明確地說明與此段主旨同，還是因為however，變得奇怪。最後，引用再更清楚地，與主旨連結。然後，我覺得如果是一般寫作練習，一個段落找一個正方，一個反方就好。以上只是小弟一點小小個人意見，參考看看。 : Hundreds years ago, people were in a patriarchy. Wheelng (2015) also : claimed : that women are more likely to be treated as sex objects. Patriarchy is a : social system in which men have all the power. The society was controlled by : men, and women were just properties of men. In addition, some people do not : care that women are being dominated by men, and some women even promote this : situations to others, including their daughters. Even in modern times, some : people still treat women as sex objects. It causes the belief that women’s : bodies are sexual and should be covered. However, this concept of females is : really out of date, because in women’s view, men’s bodies are also sexual, : but topless men can be accepted and not against the law of public indecency. : To eliminate the bad tradition from patriarchy, the unfair attitudes toward : women must be changed. : In short, women really have right to show their breasts in public. : There are : many concepts of this topic in three sides, gender equality, social media, : and patriarchy. Compared to attitudes toward topless men, attitudes toward : topless women are too biased. Now, advanced countries are working for gender : equality, but just the view of sex is still conservative. In social media, : the double standard toward different genders is unreasonable. For another, : patriarchy has limited a lot of women’s rights for a long time, and it is : time to change this unreasonable situation. In conclusion, gender topless : equality is necessary and represents an important process of women’s right. : If women can show themselves without bias, the relationship between different : genders would be better, and the society would be kinder and fairer to women. : 因為要用到APA格式引用的關係找兩方觀點相關的文章已經很頭大了 : 卻更被說"沒看到三個side的各兩方論點" : 雖然列給老師看了但跟他說還是一個頭兩個大 : 尤其在Social media那一段老師是說沒兩方點但我是要反駁"Facebook方的想法" : 是因為我說得太委婉嗎(同學表示) 還是Organization上的問題呢(不習慣的點) : 因為老師一直跳針的點是他不清楚哪個點但跟他問了很久他卻也只是說不行 : 所以想請各位提供意見感謝 -- ※ 發信站: 批踢踢實業坊(ptt.cc), 來自: 31.205.24.13 ※ 文章網址: https://www.ptt.cc/bbs/Eng-Class/M.1555732091.A.FA0.html

Re: [請益] 快被外國老師搞混了 求教Argument Essay寫作

Re: [請益] 快被外國老師搞混了求教Argument Essay寫作