Re: [Poem Translation] The Scar

看板EngTalk (全英文聊天)作者aesth (IN56)時間16年前 (2009/03/21 08:17)推噓1(1推 0噓 1→)

留言2則, 2人參與討論串2/2 (看更多)

I'm good at Eng writing, not even about poetry. However, I give some comments to stimulate ideas. ※ 引述《Trion (Trion)》之銘言： : Hi all, : One more time, we see again. This time I would like to : translate poem that illustrates one of the most popular : character in pili puppet show, 葉小釵。 : Sorry for typing its Chinese name instead of its English : name, Scar, that was used in the English version of pili : puppet show named "爭王記", or "The tale of Wulin Warriors" : for I really hate the name although it somehow truely shows : what it meant in Chinese but actually lost some flavors after : dubbed and translated. : Anyway, cast it aside my personal feelings toward this name : translation and let's get to the point. : Below is my poem translation and see if any feedback will be : thrown. Any critics or comment is greatly appreciated. Thanks. : Oh, one more thing. I seperated this poem into two parts for : originally they should be two independant poems instead of one. : original poem: : 征衣紅塵化雲煙江湖落拓不知年 : 劍痴刀狂世紛云今將衣缽卸雙肩 : 踏盡千山無人識當初枉受盛名牽 : 東風吹醒英雄夢笑對青山萬重天 : Translated poem: : Vapor into sky : my armour and fight : I wander in the wild : without goal and guide : Where am I : and when is time ? Should it be "What is the time?" : Paranoid me they call : Wild as I be known : with my blade and sword. I can't read this one. Is the original sentence: "People say I'm sword-minded and exercise wildly." : Till now I relieve my load : off the shoulder I bore : Carry it no more. Drop till. It has meaning about continuing. Now I relieve the loads from my shoulders. "Carry it no more." sounds redundant. However, 今將衣缽卸雙肩踏盡千山無人識 is better to expressed by From now on, I won't worry about living affairs. And I will go over mountains to a place where nobody recognize me. Sorry, I quit. It's so time-wasting:P : Over the thousand around : endless mountain I have gone. : People recognize me none. : Alas, for whatever I gained, : it's all driven for fame, : misguided by name. : Winds blow my way, : rise to awake, : my pursue for fame, : for heroes have no name. : Therefore I am, : waken from fame, : smile and tame, : To the mountain in the horizon. : Original poem: : 愛落紅塵心已死持刀抱劍了一生 : My love is no more : in this mundane world . : Therefore I can only hold : my blade and sword : till the end of my world. -- ※ 發信站: 批踢踢實業坊(ptt.cc) ◆ From: 140.109.103.226