[Mind] Depressed
I think I am in another one of my major depressive episodes. Typical symptoms
include loss of interest, sudden urges to cry, and sleepiness. I usually have
about one or two major depressive episodes every couple months. Don't ask me
to see a psychiatrist, because I majored in biochemistry and I know what
effects these so-called helpfull drugs have. What brought it on this time? I
am disappointed in life, in my life in particular. I can't envision the future
and I can't imagine what I will be doing 5 years from now. Sure I am pursuing
a degree at the moment, but it feels like the diploma will end up a useless
piece of paper. I don't know what I want in life, and I am scared that I don't
know what to do with life. I had a nightmare a couple nights ago. All I
remember from the nightmare was that people were disappointed in me, or angry
at me, for whatever reason. I'm such a failure in everything, except maybe in
academics. I don't have friends that I can share my thoughts with. I want but
can't find a boyfriend that I can cuddle up to. I can't find a direction. I'm
too indecisive and shy, that is one of my major faults.
I just want to cry into someone's shoulder right now.
*sniff*
I have a major midterm essay due this saturday. I have to get working on that
soon, and hopefully that will distract me long enough for this episode to be
over.
Is it too much to ask for some encouragement?
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