Re: [寫作班] 托福第四週-physheepy-1

看板ST-English (英文科技寫作)作者dvlin (Dee)時間16年前 (2008/03/18 03:07)推噓0(0推 0噓 1→)

留言1則, 1人參與討論串3/3 (看更多)

I think this is a great essay, too! The arguments are clear and very well structured. It's at least a solid 4/6, quite possibly a 5. ※ 引述《jennyQ (fitness)》之銘言： : some suggestions ^^ : ※ 引述《physheepy ()》之銘言： : : 1. It has recently been announced that a new restaurant may be built : : in your neighborhood. Do you support or oppose this plan? Why? : : Use specific reasons and details to support your answer. : : I support the plan of building a new restaurant in my neighborhood. : : There are few restaurants in the visinity of my apartment. Almost all : vicinity : : of them provide food of poor quality and are expensive. Everytime I want : poor quality food ..I don't exactly know isn't it right to : write that as your version. Besides, Every time should be fell apart. *"food of poor quality" is okay. : : some cheap and delicious food, I must go to a far region to buy that. it (non-specific) : : If there will be a new restaurant, I'll be very happy. ^^^^^^^is *Not a grammatic error, but "is" would make more sense. You would be happy if there actually is a restaurant, not just the hope of having one in an unspecified time in the future. : : First, more restaurants offer more choices to customers. Even the most : ^ there could (make it easy to understand ^^) xxxxx ^^^^^(okay but not necessary) *Also consider "having more restaurants offers..." : : delicious foods can't content customers if there is no variety. Having the : you mean...if foods are not various? "...if there is no variety" is better. : : same food every meal is boring and tiresome. Sometimes I want some healthy : : food and sometimes I would like to have some spicy food if I don't have a ^, ^, : : good appetite. For example, I love pizzas very much. It's good to have a *Watch out for run-on sentences. It is usually better to separate independent clauses with a comma. Whether to separate dependent clauses requires some thought, however. The main concern is always the ease to read. : : pizza once a month, nevertheless, I never want to eat pizzas everyday. : ; or . followed by capitalized N : : Consuming a variety of food is also good for our health because it could : : provide different kinds of nutrition. *"nutrition" is more of a concept than an object. Also consider substituting "nutrients" for "nutrition". : : The second advantage is that competition makes improvment. The restaurants improvement : : in my neighborhood are expensive and the clerks are usually very arrogant, : ^^^^^sell ^food ; : : however, there are still a lot of customers because they don't have many : : choices. If there are some new retaurants, they should compete with each : would : : other to attract the customers and raise the quality of both the service : : and the products. : : I really look forward to a new restaurant in my neighborhood. If there : : is a new one built here, I can't wait to go having a meal. : There are few things I can do for you. ^^" : I'm glad to see someone else write the same topic as mine. : I like your view in commerce and health. : You thought more than I did. ^^ : Let us improve our writings. <(*￣︶￣*)╯ -- 一個學術英文寫作領域的討論板在 PTT （telnet:ptt.cc〉【分組討論區】 --> 11 國家研究院政治, 文學, 學術 --> 科學學術研究院 --> 學術總合研究中心 --> ★ST-English PTT 學術英文/論文寫作班 -- ※ 發信站: 批踢踢實業坊(ptt.cc) ◆ From: 99.231.10.180 ※ 編輯: dvlin 來自: 99.231.10.180 (03/18 03:16)