Re: [寫作班] 托福第13週 pennyfrancis , 1
Some minor suggestions ^^
※ 引述《pennyfrancis (呸尼)》之銘言：
: ※ 引述《dvlin (Dee)》之銘言：
: : Choose one of the following topics.
: : 1. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents or other
: : adult relatives should make important decisions for their older (15 to
: : 18 year-old) teenage children. Use specific reasons and examples to
: : support your opinion.
: Older teenagers might make decisions for themselves. It is time to
be
: responsible for themselves. But it is too difficult to make major decisions
: for them .They are still young who are not ample experience to help them.
have no
: Nevertheless , parents play an important role in this period.
: Children in this period are usually immature and inconsiderate . Even if
even if (conj.) , even if
: adults could hardly make a better decision. It goes without saying that the
: teenage children can easily make an right choice. So they need experience and
, so (conj.)
: information from their parent or brothers/sisters.
what do you mean? they can easily make an right choice, so they need
suggestions?
: All they have to do are
: listening and thinking. They can learn a lot of experience from their family
: step by step. For example, it should be an important decision for the teenage
: children is that should I go university or go to work? They should be not
2 verbs in 1 sentence x
: experience this before , but their family could. Thus , parents can provide
would thus,
: their experience and tell them what difference about decisions.
^ is the ^^^^^^ between the
: They can not always rely on their family. Growing up , they must judge
: their question and make a proper choice. Sometimes , Parents should discuss
: with their children . If parents always made decision for their child , the
^^^^^^ make children
: young children would have not had a decision-making ability for themselves.
^^^^^^^^^^^^not have (why subjunctive?)
: In my opinion , Parents should make important choice when their children
choices
: were young . However , it will decrease mistakes for young man.
I think "it will dicrease the chances to make
mistakes for young men." or "decrease the number of mistakes a youn man
makes." would be better.
BTW, mind the positions of the commas.
Your essay is very fluent! I hope I do little help for you. ^^
Welcome to discuss.
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Science is my religion
Art is my soul
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◆ From: 211.74.179.6
※ 編輯: jennyQ 來自: 211.74.179.6 (06/11 14:58)
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