Re: [寫作班] 托福第13週 pennyfrancis , 1

看板ST-English (英文科技寫作)作者pennyfrancis (呸尼)時間16年前 (2008/06/11 20:18)推噓2(2推 0噓 2→)

留言4則, 1人參與討論串3/3 (看更多)

※ 引述《jennyQ (幼稚鬼)》之銘言： : Some minor suggestions ^^ : ※ 引述《pennyfrancis (呸尼)》之銘言： : : Older teenagers might make decisions for themselves. It is time to : be : : responsible for themselves. But it is too difficult to make major decisions : : for them .They are still young who are not ample experience to help them. : have no : : Nevertheless , parents play an important role in this period. : : Children in this period are usually immature and inconsiderate . Even if : even if (conj.) , even if : : adults could hardly make a better decision. It goes without saying that the : : teenage children can easily make an right choice. So they need experience and : , so (conj.) : : information from their parent or brothers/sisters. : what do you mean? they can easily make an right choice, so they need : suggestions? I mean adults have so much experience but sometimes they hardly make decision for themselves. Needless to say , children need more suggestion to help them. : : All they have to do are : : listening and thinking. They can learn a lot of experience from their family : : step by step. For example, "it should be an important decision for the teen age : : children is that should I go university or go to work"? They should be not : ↓ 2 verbs in 1 sentence x Should I go university or go to work? It should be an important decision for children in this period. Can I use "era" istead "period"?? : : experience this before , but their family could. Thus , parents can provide : would thus, : : their experience and tell them what difference about decisions. : ^ is the ^^^^^^ between the : : They can not always rely on their family. Growing up , they must judge : : their question and make a proper choice. Sometimes , Parents should discuss : : with their children . If parents always made decision for their child , the : ^^^^^^ make children : : young children would have not had a decision-making ability for themselves. : ^^^^^^^^^^^^not have (why subjunctive?) I think I'm an idiot>"<....I used the wrong mood. : : In my opinion , Parents should make important choice when their children : choices : : were young . However , it will decrease mistakes for young man. : I think "it will dicrease the chances to make : mistakes for young men." or "decrease the number of mistakes a youn man : makes." would be better. : BTW, mind the positions of the commas. : Your essay is very fluent! I hope I do little help for you. ^^ : Welcome to discuss. Thank you for correcting my essay. Actually, I'm not goot at english writng. I think you guys are master writers and I can learn more good sentence form your essay. ^^ -- ※ 發信站: 批踢踢實業坊(ptt.cc) ◆ From: 61.229.43.145 ※ 編輯: pennyfrancis 來自: 61.229.30.5 (06/12 03:47)