Re: [寫作班] 托福第18週 mcshady, 4

看板ST-English (英文科技寫作)作者november22 (小馬兒要美夢成真^Q^)時間15年前 (2008/08/22 07:44)推噓0(0推 0噓 0→)

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※ 引述《mcshady (Feather)》之銘言： : 4. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? : Telephones and email have made communication between : people less personal. Use specific reasons and examples : to support your opinion. : In 20th century, the telephone and the Internet were invented : by humanity. The effects brought by the telephone and the : email deeply change our lifestyles, and thus impact our way : of communication. Nowadays, some people still prefer to use : the traditional methods, like handwritten letters, to : communicate with their families or friends for the reason that : the original mode is more personal; however, I don't agree : with that statement. My reasons for this point of view are : listed below. : First of all, my main reason to disagree with the statement ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ : is that the telephone and the email can save our time for ^^^^^^^^^^ 這一段或可刪掉，直接寫that後面的topic sentences即可，較為精簡。 : communication and increase the frequency to communicate : with our family or friends. It can be given a concrete : example that we can call our family or email to one of : our friends immediately when we desire to do that. : Due to the conveniences brought by the telephone and : the email, we can communicate with our family or : friends more frequent than using the traditional way. ^^^^^^^^ frequently 副詞修飾動次 : Second, perhaps one drawback to disagree the statement is : that the telephone and the email can't express our real : emotions and reveal the reality. For instance, to : communicate with other people by letter papers can : show your handwriting and present your mood in : writing the letter. Therefore, there are few people who : insist to send the Christmas cards in writing. : Third, even though there may be one or two disadvantages to : disagree the statement, the advantages far outweigh them. : Another principle reason for my inclination to : disagree with the statement is that the email also can : achieve the same result as the letter does. Furthermore, : contacting other people via the telephone, we can easier ^^^^^^^^ can + 原V （少了動詞） : to communicate our feelings to the others though our : voices. For example, when you are arguing with : someone, it's more difficult to bottle your angry in : communication via telephone than via the letter. : That's why the experienced negotiators will avoid : communicating with the counterparty via telephone in : some unpleasant cases. : For all of the above reasons, in spite of the fact that there : may have one or two disadvantages to disagree with the : statement, I still consider that the advantages are more obvious. : To communicate with other people via the telephone or the email : may save our time for communication and increase the frequency to : communicate with our family or friends. In addition, the email : also can achieve the same result as the letter does, and the : telephone can easier to communicate our feelings to the others. ^^^^^^^^^^^缺少動詞 : Taking into account of all these factors, we may reach the : conclusion that telephones and emails won't make : communication between people less personal. 您好：您的架構非常清楚，以下有些小小建議與疑問。 1.您的句子通常都以 A1 + that A2 的方式呈現。然而有些句子如上面所述，是可以刪除讓句子更精簡的。（不過聽說制式的ETS電腦寫作批改軟體，如果多寫一些transitional word或that子句，可以把分數拉高，不知道是不是真的 Q_Q） 2. 感覺您的論點並沒有特別強調「為何沒有less personal」 First：增加與家人和朋友的溝通頻率（+） --> 便利性？ Second：無法表達情緒及真實感（-）-->理解，確實有perosnal emotion的成分在 Third: 提出對second的質疑（+）其實我自己在寫這個題目的時候，也對於「less peronal」是什麼意思感到困惑一開始很難下筆。想請教大家這類的文章是否需要先定義所謂「personal」是指什麼呢？如我自己在寫時會傾向將less personal 引導至 less privacy（電話跟email比較容易遭到竊聽或未經本人同意被轉寄），然後舉例。我的寫作老師說這樣的邏輯推演是OK的感覺寫作最難的部分還是「邏輯」通不通 Q_Q 謝謝 ~* -- 如果把思念化成海... 那麼我的愛就像大海一樣....深深藍藍的 -- ※ 發信站: 批踢踢實業坊(ptt.cc) ◆ From: 218.171.138.10