Re: [寫作班] 托福第18週 mcshady, 4

看板ST-English (英文科技寫作)作者mcshady (Feather)時間15年前 (2008/08/22 12:22)推噓0(0推 0噓 0→)

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※ 引述《november22 (小馬兒要美夢成真^Q^)》之銘言： : ※ 引述《mcshady (Feather)》之銘言： : : 4. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? : : Telephones and email have made communication between : : people less personal. Use specific reasons and examples : : to support your opinion. : : In 20th century, the telephone and the Internet were invented : : by humanity. The effects brought by the telephone and the : : email deeply change our lifestyles, and thus impact our way : : of communication. Nowadays, some people still prefer to use : : the traditional methods, like handwritten letters, to : : communicate with their families or friends for the reason that : : the original mode is more personal; however, I don't agree : : with that statement. My reasons for this point of view are : : listed below. : : First of all, my main reason to disagree with the statement : ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ : : is that the telephone and the email can save our time for : ^^^^^^^^^^ 這一段或可刪掉，直接寫that後面的topic sentences即可，較為精簡。 : : communication and increase the frequency to communicate : : with our family or friends. It can be given a concrete : : example that we can call our family or email to one of : : our friends immediately when we desire to do that. : : Due to the conveniences brought by the telephone and : : the email, we can communicate with our family or : : friends more frequent than using the traditional way. : ^^^^^^^^ frequently 副詞修飾動次 : : Second, perhaps one drawback to disagree the statement is : : that the telephone and the email can't express our real : : emotions and reveal the reality. For instance, to : : communicate with other people by letter papers can : : show your handwriting and present your mood in : : writing the letter. Therefore, there are few people who : : insist to send the Christmas cards in writing. : : Third, even though there may be one or two disadvantages to : : disagree the statement, the advantages far outweigh them. : : Another principle reason for my inclination to : : disagree with the statement is that the email also can : : achieve the same result as the letter does. Furthermore, : : contacting other people via the telephone, we can easier : ^^^^^^^^ can + 原V （少了動詞） : : to communicate our feelings to the others though our : : voices. For example, when you are arguing with : : someone, it's more difficult to bottle your angry in : : communication via telephone than via the letter. : : That's why the experienced negotiators will avoid : : communicating with the counterparty via telephone in : : some unpleasant cases. : : For all of the above reasons, in spite of the fact that there : : may have one or two disadvantages to disagree with the : : statement, I still consider that the advantages are more obvious. : : To communicate with other people via the telephone or the email : : may save our time for communication and increase the frequency to : : communicate with our family or friends. In addition, the email : : also can achieve the same result as the letter does, and the : : telephone can easier to communicate our feelings to the others. : ^^^^^^^^^^^缺少動詞 : : Taking into account of all these factors, we may reach the : : conclusion that telephones and emails won't make : : communication between people less personal. : 您好： : 您的架構非常清楚，以下有些小小建議與疑問。 : 1.您的句子通常都以 A1 + that A2 的方式呈現。然而有些句子如上面所述，是可以刪除 : 讓句子更精簡的。（不過聽說制式的ETS電腦寫作批改軟體，如果多寫一些transitional : word或that子句，可以把分數拉高，不知道是不是真的 Q_Q） : 2. 感覺您的論點並沒有特別強調「為何沒有less personal」 : First：增加與家人和朋友的溝通頻率（+） --> 便利性？ : Second：無法表達情緒及真實感（-）-->理解，確實有perosnal emotion的成分在 : Third: 提出對second的質疑（+） : 其實我自己在寫這個題目的時候，也對於「less peronal」是什麼意思感到困惑 : 一開始很難下筆。 : 想請教大家這類的文章是否需要先定義所謂「personal」是指什麼呢？ : 如我自己在寫時會傾向將less personal 引導至 less privacy（電話跟email比較容易 : 遭到竊聽或未經本人同意被轉寄），然後舉例。 : 我的寫作老師說這樣的邏輯推演是OK的 : 感覺寫作最難的部分還是「邏輯」通不通 Q_Q : 謝謝 ~* 您好：非常感謝您的寶貴意見，漏字的部分可能是我從wordpad複製貼上時遺漏掉了... 針對你第一個問題，that子句的使用方式可能是我的壞習慣，剛開始我也沒注意到（感謝您的細心提醒），而且，這篇文章我是用之前在網路上看到的模版，經我修改後（我是依Henry Liu大大的作文架構進行修改註1），第一次拿來套用的，可能還是會有許多缺陷跟瑕疵。此外，多用替換字在我之前的學習經驗跟工作經驗上，是有其必要的，也常被寫作老師（也是美國律師）以及事務所的律師所要求。而that子句的使用的確較不符合我之前工作的要求，因為在撰擬法律文件，特別是寫Warning Letter時，我們最重要的要求除符合邏輯外，就是要精簡（這兩個字經常會被律師一直Repeat），所以在寫TOEFL文章時，為了要增加句子的長度或是增加字數，我就不會去將句子特別縮短或精簡了，不過這樣做是否可以增加作文分數，可能要等我這禮拜天考完TOEFL，並等成績公佈後，才能得知了。有關第二個問題，我寫的三個理由，其中第一個理由是跟TOEFL電腦作文185篇（註2）中的範文理由近似，主要是闡述傳統的通訊方式（主要是指書信）無法即時傳達，甚至耗時許久，因此電話與EMAIL的方便性增進人們彼此間溝通的頻率。在查閱前述書籍後，他將"less personal"解釋為「比較沒有人情味」，我剛開始也是對這個term有些疑問，最初也以為是跟privacy有關，但在思考過後，我是認為題目的目的應該是要比較傳統與新興的溝通模式，如果僅是著重privacy，那其實書信跟電話或EMAIL相較，都是有被竊取、竊聽或未得同意而公開的可能，因此，我捨棄有關privacy的論點。綜上，我認為溝通頻率的增加，以及立即的溝通，可以增進兩人間的感情（人情味），以情侶交往為例，每天數次通話（奪命連環扣除外）會較每個禮拜的通信更能維繫彼此的感情。以上，如有錯誤，還請不吝指教，謝謝。註1:Henry Liu大大的網誌 http://www.wretch.cc/blog/HenryLiu/9574763 註2：托福電腦作文185篇劉毅著，學習出版有限公司出版 -- ※ 發信站: 批踢踢實業坊(ptt.cc) ◆ From: 122.127.45.215