Re: [寫作班] 托福第33週 Anthony

看板ST-English (英文科技寫作)作者dvlin (Dee)時間15年前 (2009/04/17 07:32)推噓1(1推 0噓 1→)

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※ 引述《clhs04 (bibby)》之銘言： : The twentieth century saw great change. In your opinion, what is ONE change : that should be remembered about the twentieth century? : ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- : The wind of change is blowing. Thousands of new inventions emerge from every : corner of the world to improve people’s lives, which lead us to live in a ^^^^^^^^^^^^ [Dangling modifier] What follows "which" describes "new inventions", not "people's lives". Replace "which" by "and" and the sentence becomes grammatically correct. : more convenient and comfortable way. From simple tools such as levers, : hammers : and screwdrivers to advanced technology like genetic mapping, nuclear : engineering and space stations, no doubt about it, the development of science : and technology, to our great astonishment, indeed lift people’s living lifts The subject of this sentence is "development", from the line above. : standard up to a notch. So, among so many breathtaking and groundbreaking ^^^^^^^^^^^^^ The commonly used phrase is "up a notch", meaning "up a level". : inventions within twentieth century, which one should be remembered? ^the : Personally I suggest the invention of internet should be the candidate for ^the The original correct spelling and capitalization was "the Internet". Nowadays, a lot of people use it both with or without capitalizing the letter I, and both with or without the definite article. However, there is still a minor discretion where the definite article is concerned: Internet makes life better. The internet makes life better. The Internet makes life better. The invention of the internet makes life better. The invention of Internet makes life better. The invention of internet makes life better. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Only this one is grammatically incorrect! : the one major change to remember about twentieth century and the reasons are ^the ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ : listed in the following paragraphs. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ It is correct, but not in the best style of writing. "... and the reasons are as follows." or "due to the following reasons." are good alternatives. : First, the impact the invention of internet bring us is that we can easily brings : communicate with people from different areas through the internet. One can : communicate with friends or families who are thousand miles away through ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ "a thousand miles" or "thousands of miles" : e-mail, MSN or twitter. They can chat with each other or exchange information T : so that they feel connected in spite of the long distance between them. : Internet also bridges the connection between strangers. One can make friends : or even find his lovers on the internet. People can enjoy talks on the topic ^^^ ^^^^^^ his or her [Ambiguity] Can this imply "one" person always have multiple "lovers"? Better yet, "one can even 'find love' on the internet" is also correct. : they have interest in, or share their viewpoints, stories and emotions on : their blogs. The invention of internet not only draws our friends and us nearer : but also offers more opportunities for us to meet new friends. : Another supporting statement to my assertion is that the invention of ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Again, while this is grammatically correct, it is not the best style to write. The reader is interested in your opinions, not how you write them out. : internet makes the access to worldwide information possible.No matter when it ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ This expression seems grammatically incorrect, and is even hard to decipher. Consider revising? : comes to map, weather, or currency exchange rates, they are all available on : the internet so that we can feel free to be a backpacker wandering in an : outlandish alley with ease and comfort. Also, we can explore some fields that : we are curious about through the help of internet. When people want to have a : quick look or general understanding on something, they can check it up on the ^a : internet and enjoy the pleasure of discovery and exploration into an unknown : territory. Lots of information and knowledge on the internet and the door is ^There is a lot of : open to everyone, which greatly enhances the convenience for people to learn : or to check up information. : Also, there are something negative contributed by the invention of internet. is ^^^^^^^^^(singular) : The problems raised inside the virtual world, somehow, are much more serious : in the real world. Some people just immerse themselves in the virtual world, : for instance, on-line games and fail to focus on their studies. Some people ^, : tend to chat on-line yet feel shy and unease to talk face-to-face. Some even uneasy (adj.) : utilize the internet to commit crimes in benefit of its convenience and ^the : anonymous features. Those are bad things brought by the internet. : In conclusion, the invention of internet is unquestionably the milestone in ^the : human history, and of course serves as the change to be remembered about : twentieth century. The internet not only lead people’ s lives to a more ^the leads : convenient one, for example, the convenience for people to communicate with ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ [dangling modifier] "the convenience for people to..." and "lives" are not the same kind of thing. : each other and also access to diversified information with little effort, but : also bring something negative to us, such as feeling helpless about the real : world, indulging in the virtual world and internet crime. Those phenomenon ^, ^^^^^^^^^^ The plural form of "phenomenon" is "phenomena". (via Greek) : and supporting examples I mentioned above explain why I regard the invention ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Again, not the best practice in writing. Let your opinions, arguments, and evidence speak for themselves. You don't need to tell the reader exactly how you write an essay. : of internet as the major change to be noticed within the twentieth century. You miss out the definite articles "the" in some places, but still remember to put them in other places. This suggests that you have some idea when to use "the", and you just need to be a little more careful. Also, you should focus on presenting your arguments in your writing, and avoid informing the reader how you write. Overall, this is a solid, coherent essay! -- 一個學術英文寫作領域的討論板在 PTT （telnet:ptt.cc〉【分組討論區】 --> 11 國家研究院政治, 文學, 學術 --> 科學學術研究院 --> 學術總合研究中心 --> ★ST-English PTT 學術英文/論文寫作班 -- ※ 發信站: 批踢踢實業坊(ptt.cc) ◆ From: 24.83.235.248