Re: [寫作班] 托福第35週 foffy 2
看板ST-English (英文科技寫作)作者excrement (the essence of love)時間15年前 (2009/05/22 07:26)推噓2(2推 0噓 1→)留言3則, 1人參與討論串2/2 (看更多)
No grammatical problems. but it should be an essay, not Q&A.
An introduction is still needed.
The other thing that I would suggest is the personal pronoun. It seems that
you choose to use "we" in most of the paras. Therefore, I would suggest
that you replace "you" in the 1st para with "we" to make the personal
pronoun consistent.
※ 引述《foffy (We all are wry)》之銘言：
: 2. People listen to music for different reasons and at different times.
: Why is music important to many people?
: First of all, listening to music releases pressure. It's not limited to
: time and place, and it doesn't cost much. You can easily close your eyes
: and enjoy the music whenever you want, temporarily escaping into another
: world.
: Secondly, it gives new inspirations. For example, a great solo on saxophone
: might remind us of some old memories; a heated electric guitar could arouse
: our passion as when in adolescent years.
: Thirdly, when listening to music, we also share the songwriter's life story
: through lyrics. It's interesting and it helps us to understand life more.
: Sometimes, we may even relate to their stories pretty much.
: Finally, it's a good topic to talk about when with friends. It's fun to know
: what others listen to, and it allows us to know them more.
: To sum up, it's the most convenient way to sooth ourselves, and also to link
: us together by sharing and understanding.
--
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