Re: [Ask ] help me to correct my essay plz

看板EngTalk (全英文聊天)作者author (AUTHOR)時間13年前 (2012/09/08 23:53)推噓1(1推 0噓 6→)

留言7則, 2人參與討論串2/3 (看更多)

※ 引述《Eisely (im tired of everything.)》之銘言： : im gonna post this on 104 human resource agency as my autobiography, : can someone help me to correct the mistakes? thx... : Hello, my name is Eddie. I graduated from ABC University Department of : Applied Foreign Languages. When I was a senior high school student, I majored : in Food and Beverage Management from CBA Vocational High School. I just : retired from R.O.C Army and looking for my first job which is suitable for me. : During my school life, I got several experiences of part-time job. Such as "Such as ..." is not used in the beginning of a sentence to give examples. The sentences can be modified to "During my school life, I got several experiences of part-time job, such as catering service, copy editor, and internet marketing. I also kept ..." or "In addition to catering service, copy editor, and internet marketing, I also kept a ...". : catering service, copy editor, internet marketing, I also kept a stall to : sell food at night market. These experiences not only made me realize how "at night market" should be changed to "at a night market" or "at night markets", because a definite or non-definite article must be used before a countable noun. Some common types of nouns that don't take an article are: Names of languages and nationalities: Chinese, English, Spanish, Russian (unless you are referring to the population of the nation: "The Spanish are known for their warm hospitality.") Names of sports: volleyball, hockey, baseball Names of academic subjects: mathematics, biology, history, computer science http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/540/01/ : hard to earn money, but also understand where is effort, where is success. "Where is effort, where is success" is a complete proverb, but "where is success" does not form a non-interrogative sentence. Thus, the sentence should be changed to: These experiences not only made me realize how hard to earn money, but also understand "Where is effort, where is success." : With pleasure, classmates voted for me as class leader, club leader and the : host of welcome party for freshmen. I found out it’s not that easy to manage Vote is a transitive verb when used to say someone votes someone. Hence, change the sentence to "With pleasure, classmates voted me as the class leader, a club leader, and the host of the welcome party for freshmen." : the whole class. When you’re a leader, you have to accept more This sentence is grammatically correct, but a bit wordy. You can change it to "As a leader, you have to accept more responsibility." : responsibility. By the experience of being a host, I learned how to handle "From" is better than "by" here; one learns something "from an experience" instead of "through the medium of an experience." : the groove and atmosphere. That’s why people said one minute on the stage I have searched the Internet and found that there seems no usage like "handle the groove." You can just remove "the groove and" above. : and ten years of practice off the stage. : I'm interested in taking photos, so I joined photography club in my first : year of college life. I met a lot of photo aficionados there, we shared and There should be a conjunction word "and " between "," and "we." : taugh each other. Besides the curriculum planning made me learn English step : by step, I also participated in English symposium and English graduation : performance to improve my English speaking ability and spontaneity. "Taugh" is a misspelled word; modify it to "taught." And change the sentence above to "Besides, the curriculum made me learn English step by step, and I also participated in an English symposium and the graduation performance to improve my English speaking ability and fluency." : Nowadays, everyone cares about high efficiency, high quality services and : English ability. I have three years professional catering management training Remove high before efficiency and before quality services; caring about efficiency just means looking for high efficiency. : and English education for more than four years. My major and experience make Change the sentence above to "I have three years of training in professional catering management and four years of education in English" to make it more gramatically correct. : me qualified for this position. If I have the honor to be the member of your : company, I will try my best to bring the most out of talented in your company. If I have the honor to be a member of your company, I will try my best to make the most of my talent. Because there is already an "of your company" in the first half of this sentence, do no repeat "of your company" in order to avoid wordiness. Your English resume is not good enough, especially in terms of English grammar, and it's better to modify or rewrite it. Good luck. -- ※ 發信站: 批踢踢實業坊(ptt.cc) ◆ From: 124.9.160.193