Re: [寫作班] effervescenc, Christmas
※ 引述《iris0542 (gg)》之銘言:
: 我試著改看看喔 不對的請大家指正~~^^
: (厲害厲害第一篇christmas!!)
: ※ 引述《effervescenc (Waltz of Flowers)》之銘言:
: : Christmas, as we know, came from the western society but becomes
: : the worldwide holiday of the world in recent years. In my memory,
: 我覺得第一句用became比較好,時態比較一致
我覺得用has become會比較好
另外,came from也可改用originated from
: in recent years改recently,因為前句有未來的感覺
in recent years應該沒問題
(如果前面是用has become就更沒有不明確性)
: : the traditional way to celebrate the Christmas is trough exchanging
: 這邊不用the through
: : cards, sending gifts or holding a Christmas Party.
: : The recent financial market turmoil caused by the American mortgage losses
: : had made a big impact to the celebration of Christmas.
has?
: : Fortunately, most of the businessmen are very considerate,
: and they sell
: : many cheaper products such as toys and electronic equipments.
: : For example, “ASUS” has invented a little pack of notebook called "EEPC"
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
這個用法很奇怪,不如說 a small-sized notebook?
: : It is not only easier to carry but most important it is almost the same
: cheaper (that)
: : price as a high class mobile.
: 我會寫 its price is almost the same as a high class mobile
: : It’s hard for me to spend so much money to celebrate Christmas with my
: : friends and my family. This year, we plan to hold a different party at home
: : The title of our party is called “Fondu Party".
fondue的拼法
: : You can say that it is no
: not
或"it is nothing special" 也可以
: : special, because we just celebrate with eating together.
: you don't need comma ^Chritmas
: : That’s right, but for us it’s a big progress.
: : We have searched from the websites for cookbooks of how to
: 不要from
recipes
: : make a delicious fondu. It’s a swiss form of fondu.
: swiss放到fondu前面? (這個我很不確定~~)
a Swiss style fondue
: : For those guys who have never been into the kitchen, it’s really
: : special and exciting, isn’t it?
: : Hope all of you also have a good plan to celebrate the Christmas and
: 不要the
: : don’t forget to have fun, too.
: : ----------------------
: : 敬請指教,謝謝
小改一點:)
Great job you guys, on the writing and the editing!
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