Re: [寫作班] 托福第一週 5 effervescenc

看板ST-English (英文科技寫作)作者mingtai1 ((￣︿￣メ)╭∩╮)時間16年前 (2008/02/08 02:05)推噓1(1推 0噓 0→)

留言1則, 1人參與討論串2/2 (看更多)

Some suggestions. (For consistency, some errors pointed out are still highlighted again) ※ 引述《effervescenc (Waltz of Flowers)》之銘言： : It is no doubt that if a factory built in my is built : community, the residents there can have more opportunity to find a job. opportunities : Nevertheless, I am definitely opposed to this prosopal with the proposal : following reasons. They are inflation, traffic problems and : environment destruction. : First, if a new factory is built near my community, not only the : residents live here will work in the new company but also people who living : originally live in other citys or countries will join in. cities For fluency, I will change the above sentence to: First, if a new factory is built near my community, not only the residents but also the people living in other cities or countries can work in the factory. (people will not necessarily work there so I prefer using "can" than "will") : If this happend,the consumption of food, dormitory and many kinds happens : of commodities would highly rise. So the inflation problems will happen, : people need to spend more much money to buy the same goods compare to other and people much more compared with : communities. : Second, the number of residents will grow deeply. The number of rapidly : automobiles will also proportional to the new number of residents. be proportional : What results is it becomes harder to move on the roads and streets and The result is it... : children face more danger from the road home to school. on their way to school : Last but not least, the polution made from the new factory will danger endanger : our health.The reivers will be polluted by the waste water, and some kind rivers? kinds : of heavy metals will make big influence to our bodies. Trees and animals seriously threaten our health (personal suggestion) : will in danger of extinction, and we will no longer have a nice place outdoors ^^be X : to play and joy. ^^^^^^^ replace with outdoors : For these reasons, I am personally oppsoed this project of building ^^to : a new factory near my community. To have a good living environment : and good health is more important. ^^^^redundant -- ※ 發信站: 批踢踢實業坊(ptt.cc) ◆ From: 116.59.130.82