Re: [寫作班] 托福第14週 JennyQ-1

看板ST-English (英文科技寫作)作者fleuve (:D)時間16年前 (2008/06/29 03:44)推噓2(2推 0噓 5→)

留言7則, 2人參與討論串2/2 (看更多)

※ 引述《jennyQ (Jenny)》之銘言： : 1. Should a city try to preserve its old, historic buildings or destroy : them and replace them with modern buildings? Use specific reasons and : examples to support your opinion. : Whether a city should or should not try to preserve its old, historic : buildings depends on different situations. If the building is located at : a crucial location, and it hinders the development of that area, in this place (you use almost the same word "located/location" in one sentence─this would make the sentence seem rather dull) : case, the governor should evaluate whether to preserve or destroy it : cautiously. Preserving a historic building would attract tourists and ----------? : thus stimulate the local economy. However, if the building occupies a : super important area, and the governor as well as scholars couldn't figure : out alternative solutions to benefit both sides, the vital concern should : be things like building dams or improving local traffic, etc., not the -------better be avoided in formal writings : minor choice to preserve the heritage. : Preserving a heritage helps tourism to thrive, and brings foreign revenue. x : This spurs the development of transportation, infrastructure industries and : so as catering, recreaional, and souvenir trade. It also helps to better : introduce the country to foreigners and showcase its briliant history and : culture to the outside world. The tourism industry plays an active role in : increasing foreign currency revenue, promoting domestic demand and meeting : the needs of the people. : Besides the benefit of preserving the historic buildings, the more benefits : important for local residents is that they need essential infrastructures ^thing/xxx/ooo : rather than a historic heritage to sustain their living. For instance, : the Yangtze river once owned lots of historic sites; however, River -----the river cannot "own" : concerning the water supply problem, the administrator decided to build : a huge dam. Water is so surely more vital than developing other industries to : local residents. Therefore, it is a great idea to preserve the heritage, : but fundamentally based on the provision that the location of the historic ????????? : buildings can not hinder te living demands in local area. the * The last paragraph ends too abruptly. It is not a very good conclusion, and it makes me think there is still something you are going to say. * General comments: - I think you do not very obviously take sides in the introduction. Since the instruction asks you to choose between preserving and destroying the historic buildings, you'd better clearly state your opinion, rather than wandering around, writing a very "safe" introduction claiming that "it depends" on several factors to decide to preserve or destroy the buildings. - One suggestion: there are too many long sentences in the essay. All of the sentences last more than two lines─some even five lines. This would make the readers─at least me─feel perplexed to grasp the meaning. You can, for example, write your argument in shorter sentences, or you can use shorter sentences to signify the transition. ^^ - Overall speaking, this is a pretty good essay. The language is good, and the points you make are not very weak. For your reference. ^^; fleuve -- 然後有一天我ꄠ 靠在窗前，會發現原來我是株 ╭╮──╪──╭╮ 不＊ fleuve ＊需要陽光的植物︴1mK︴30m直到有一天我閉上眼睛 ╰╯──╪──╰╯ 看不見自己、卻可以看見你…ꄠ ♂ -- ※ 編輯: fleuve 來自: 118.168.33.204 (06/29 04:35)