Re: [寫作班] 托福第14週 lovegracie, 1

看板ST-English (英文科技寫作)作者fleuve (:D)時間16年前 (2008/07/01 01:43)推噓1(1推 0噓 1→)

留言2則, 1人參與討論串2/2 (看更多)

※ 引述《lovegracie (愛情是兩面刃)》之銘言： : ※ 引述《dvlin (Dee)》之銘言： : : Choose one of the following topics. : : 1. Should a city try to preserve its old, historic buildings or destroy : : them and replace them with modern buildings? Use specific reasons and : People have a variety of views on the issue that whether a city should try to : preserve its historic buildings or destroy them and replace them with modern : buildings. It is known that the topic is so controversial and complicated : that deserves more considerations. As a college student who has strong : interests in history, I strongly believe that a city should definitely : preserve its historic buildings. There are several reasons to support my : views as follow. xxxxxxxxx 整段前四行都很....沒說到重點。文法很好但是都沒說到重點。整段一直強調這個議題多麼具爭議性，多麼值得注意，但完全沒有提到是怎麼樣爭議或怎樣值得考慮。而且模版影子很重，應該是從哈佛IBT寫作的書一字不漏抄下來的。我個人同意那本書作者的前半部，但不同意到後半部他要學生使用模版。 : First of all, the old building in a city can remind the citizens the old buildings ^of its the 刪掉 : memorable and precious history of the city. It is important for the people Why is it important? There are some people in other countries that look down on their culture or history. How are you going to support your argument that "reminding citizens of their precious history" is very important? : who live in the city to remember and appreciate the past of their city, : and preserving the historic buildings can be a proper way to do so. ------ 有argument，但很weak。 How proper? : Besides, maintaining the old buildings can achieve educational purpose : in some aspects. History is a great teacher, and learning history enables ------- Which aspects? : us to cultivate critical thinking and see the big picture of the past. -----------------------------------? Sentence unclear. : Moreover, historic buildings can help us understand both the past and : the present of the city. Why and how? : Secondly, it is obvious that the historic building can become a beautiful xxx buildings x : scene for the appearance of the city.It is apparent that historic building spots ----------------------awkward buildings 這種講法有，但不是這樣用不會只保留「一幢」歷史古蹟 : usually plays an essential role in the city, since it can represent both play they : the traditional role and ancient spirit of the city. Furthermore, it is spirits represent traditional role 的講法很奇怪 : positive that we can appreciate those old buildings from the perspective --------? : of aesthetics. ^the : Last but not least, the old historic buildings can become a tourist : attraction in the city, and it can assist the city in its sightseeing ^^^^^^wrong verb : industry. For example, the Great Wall in Beijing is not only a : breathtaking and amazing architecture but also one of the most : famous tourist attractions in the world. It attracts millions of tourist : around the world to visit Beijing, and undoubtedly it brings remarkable : business opportunities to Beijing. 這段大概是論點比較明確比較"solid"的部分 : Given that the reasons I mention above is not only solid but also sound, xxxx , which are not only... : I, without any hesitation, consider that a city should try to preserve ----------------------語氣過強。類似的句子放在文章裡顯得很不成熟。 : its old and historic buildings rather than destroying them and replace them destroy : with modern buildings. For your reference. ^^; fleuve -- 然後有一天我ꄠ 靠在窗前，會發現原來我是株 ╭╮──╪──╭╮ 不＊ fleuve ＊需要陽光的植物︴1mK︴30m直到有一天我閉上眼睛 ╰╯──╪──╰╯ 看不見自己、卻可以看見你…ꄠ ♂ -- ※ 編輯: fleuve 來自: 118.168.40.70 (07/01 17:29)