Re: [Work] GRE ISSUE & ARGUMENT

看板ST-English (英文科技寫作)作者excrement (the essence of love)時間15年前 (2009/03/06 14:30)推噓0(0推 0噓 0→)

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In this post, I will focus on ISSUE230. It seems that you understand a variety of vocabulary, but I think the main problem with this essay has more to do with sentence itself. First, the sentence is too long and too complex. As a result, the meaning is obscured. Maybe you can try to write shorter sentences, to make the meaning clear first. Second, some sentences can be divided into more sentences. you need to find where to use a stop instead of a comma. Finally, I understand that you might try to write acdemically, but you use too many abstract words and some wrong usage. That makes the text incomprehensible. maybe you can try to make some examples? ※ 引述《KRZYSZ (VICTORIA)》之銘言： : TOPIC: ISSUE230 - "College students-and people in general-prefer to follow : directions rather than make their own decisions. Therefore, colleges should : eliminate as many choices as possible in order to offer students clear : direction." : Society requires diversified contributions to develop and extend its : cultures, that is, society needs many kinds of intellectual development and : contribution, both of which derive from diversified people to extend the : cultures of society, which proves the importance of making decisions. Thus, : to achieve this societal goal, colleges should provide diversified choices in : order to elevate students' view of level and expand their scope. : Human cultures originate from the development of people's learning and : traditions which are built from education and experience, besides, cultures : are survivable only when the elements of composition of culture are : diversified in this inconstantly changing world, thus, in order to adapt to : this world, people should learn to accept diversified percipience by : considering and experiencing choices they face to develop a suitable type of : execution in order to make cultures become stronger. In history, cultures : have been changing by developing suitable method to accept the change of the : environment, such as northern American cultures, northern American cultures : accepted exotic shocks and adopted combination to convert into one of the : strongest countries. To constitute the necessary ingredients of the extension : and growth of cultures, society should provide their people choices to learn : and experience differences so that people can realize directions which is : conducive and adopt the method that is summarized from many scopes of : knowledge to achieve the goals of societal development and extension. : Since colleges enact an important role on education which is the main step to : impart students to be malleable to societies so that people could develop and : extend the cultures of society, colleges should provide as many choices as : possible to let students to experience and elevate or observe from different : viewpoints of events then make a good decision from different perspectives. : For instance, professor should teach students to suspect anything, but not : always give them answer, since original ideas may impede their exploration of : any field of knowledge to find out the variety of the world and trying to : test any methods to solve problems. Therefore, to develop and extend the : cultures of society, colleges should train students to think independently : and provide as many choices as possible to let students to learn and : experience diversified knowledge and opinions, whereby, society will be able : to acquire the necessary nutrient to feed on and become stronger. : In summary, since Society requires diversified contributions to develop and : extend its cultures and colleges enact an important role on education which : is the main step to impart students to be malleable to societies, colleges : should provide students as many choices as possible to train and induce : students to think independently, whereby, students will acquire knowledge : that is necessary to make society develops and extends. : TOPIC: ARGUMENT79 - The following appeared in a magazine for the trucking : industry. : "The Longhaul trucking company was concerned that its annual accident rate : (the number of accidents per mile driven) was too high. It granted a : significant pay increase to its drivers and increased its training standards. : It also put strict limits on the number of hours per week each driver could : drive. The following year, its trucks were involved in half the number of : accidents as before the changes were implemented. A survey of other trucking : companies found that the highest-paid drivers were the least likely to have : had an accident. Therefore, trucking companies wishing to reduce their : accident rate can do so simply by raising their drivers' pay and limiting the : overall number of hours they drive." : The argument claims that the methods Longhaul trucking company adopts to : reduce its high annual accident rate could be emulated by other companies to : reduce their annual accident rate. However, the survey that the author : provides is unpersuasive and the reasons are fallacious. : The reason of the high annual accident rate of the Longhaul trucking company : could be the total number of the sample of the annual accident rate is small, : hence, caused the rate to be high, in addition, the survey of the high annual : accident rate of the Longhaul trucking company doesn't provide the details of : previous years, drivers list, the status of the path that drivers passed : through, equipments renovation, etc. to exclude other explanations of the : high accident rate. : In addition, Since the survey of the high annual accident rate doesn't : provide any evidence and detail to clarify the reason why and what caused : high accident rate, the method of granting a significant pay increase to its : drivers and increased training standards are unpersuasive to prove the : effectiveness of this connection between solutions and problems. Besides, the : survey of the following years of Longhaul trucking company doesn't : demonstrate how the accident rates are calculated to assure that it is : convincing to compare the accident rate of the year which the solutions were : adopted. : Finally, even if the ways that Longhaul trucking company adopted to reduce is : convincing, it is not guaranteed to reduce the accident rates of other : company, since Longhaul trucking company could be different on their : intrinsic nature, dealing, cost and benefit, even drivers’ skill that other : companies couldn't emulate. : Thus, only when the author adduce convincing evidence to prove and exclude : alternative explanations which could be the reasons why the annual accident : rate was high and now is low, otherwise, the author should not suggest that : other companies could emulate the methods that Longhaul trucking company : adopts to reduce annual accident rate. -- ※ 發信站: 批踢踢實業坊(ptt.cc) ◆ From: 128.205.231.174