Re: [Work] GRE ISSUE & ARGUMENT

看板ST-English (英文科技寫作)作者excrement (the essence of love)時間15年前 (2009/03/08 06:15)推噓1(1推 0噓 0→)

留言1則, 1人參與討論串5/6 (看更多)

I will give some examples where the sentences are difficult to understand or too complex. ※ 引述《KRZYSZ (VICTORIA)》之銘言： : TOPIC: ISSUE230 - "College students-and people in general-prefer to follow : directions rather than make their own decisions. Therefore, colleges should : eliminate as many choices as possible in order to offer students clear : direction." : Society requires diversified contributions to develop and extend its : cultures, that is, society needs many kinds of intellectual development and : contribution, both of which derive from diversified people to extend the : cultures of society, which proves the importance of making decisions. Thus, This sentence can be understood, but for me it's too complex. especially the second "which" is unclear (referring to "society" or referring to the previous statement?) To avoid this ambiguity, you can divide this long sentences into two sentences by adding some transition words. : to achieve this societal goal, colleges should provide diversified choices in : order to elevate students' view of level and expand their scope. : Human cultures originate from the development of people's learning and : traditions which are built from education and experience, besides, cultures ; or . : are survivable only when the elements of composition of culture are : diversified in this inconstantly changing world, thus, in order to adapt to ^^^ here, the sentence should have ended. the structure is complete. so a period instead of a comma should be placed. : this world, people should learn to accept diversified percipience by : considering and experiencing choices they face to develop a suitable type of : execution in order to make cultures become stronger. In history, cultures : have been changing by developing suitable method to accept the change of the : environment, such as northern American cultures, northern American cultures ^^^ the same. : accepted exotic shocks and adopted combination to convert into one of the : strongest countries. To constitute the necessary ingredients of the extension here you mention "exotic shocks" but these shocks are accepted...it is a little bit unclear. and the example, I am not sure if it helps illustrate your argument. : and growth of cultures, society should provide their people choices to learn : and experience differences so that people can realize directions which is : conducive and adopt the method that is summarized from many scopes of : knowledge to achieve the goals of societal development and extension. this sentence is too long as well. : Since colleges enact an important role on education which is the main step to : impart students to be malleable to societies so that people could develop and : extend the cultures of society, colleges should provide as many choices as : possible to let students to experience and elevate or observe from different : viewpoints of events then make a good decision from different perspectives. : For instance, professor should teach students to suspect anything, but not : always give them answer, since original ideas may impede their exploration of : any field of knowledge to find out the variety of the world and trying to : test any methods to solve problems. Therefore, to develop and extend the : cultures of society, colleges should train students to think independently : and provide as many choices as possible to let students to learn and : experience diversified knowledge and opinions, whereby, society will be able : to acquire the necessary nutrient to feed on and become stronger. : In summary, since Society requires diversified contributions to develop and : extend its cultures and colleges enact an important role on education which : is the main step to impart students to be malleable to societies, colleges : should provide students as many choices as possible to train and induce : students to think independently, whereby, students will acquire knowledge : that is necessary to make society develops and extends. I didn't list all the setences that I felt were too long. just a few examples are enough to illustrate my meaning, I think. ※ 編輯: excrement 來自: 128.205.231.174 (03/08 06:16)