Re: [寫作班-computer]
※ 引述《Luge (不認識)》之銘言:
Just about a few decades ago, computer did not exist,
and of course there were not internet, BBS, Windows, etc.
1. about多餘了,可以去掉。
2. of course如果用certainly感覺會比較有程度一點點 XD
3. "there were..."可以改用下面這個句型會更漂亮:
"there was no such thing as...."
However, everything changed as the first computer devised.
這句這樣寫會更漂亮:
"However, everything changed with the invention of the first
computer."
Its powerful calculational ability help us overwhelm lots of mathemathic
calculation, which largely speeds up the development of science and technology.
1. calculational ability 有點怪,可是查了一下找不到適當的詞。
2. help應該用helps,第三人稱單數。
3. overwhelm是「壓倒、推翻」的意思,你想表達的是?
Furthermore, the appearance of Windows and internet also makes computer much
easier to be accepted by everyone.
1. appearance用interface會不會比較好?
2. internet一般是打成大寫的"the Internet"。
3. apperance of...後面接了兩個東西,所以應該用複數的appearances,
後面的動詞也應該隨之改為make。
Nowadays, to open our computer and connect it with internet for referencing
data, making friends, geting new information, or some other matters become
a very frequent action to everyone.
1. to open應該改用 "turning on"
2. connect後面連接詞應該用to 而不是with
3. reference似乎不能當動詞。你要說的是searching for,
還是referring to?
4. 幾個動詞應該統一一下全部用動名詞,然後,因為有好幾個動作,
不太適合再用a very frequent action,用複數可能比較好。
: Computer unanimously occupies an important position in our daily life.
1. unanimously比較是指人「無異議」、「無疑問」,不太適合講「事情」。
我會用doubtlessly、surely、unquestionably。
2. our daily "lives",這裡用複數比較好。
請參考囉。
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10/19 14:34, , 1F
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