Re: [寫作班] 減肥計畫 biolenz
首先要感謝 chileno 大的指導
讓我看見蠻多沒注意的地方的，收穫頗豐。
幾點問題整理出來：
犯錯數 犯錯率 (%)
1. 用詞習慣 (語感) 6 29
2. 專有名詞 4 19
3. 贅詞 (無緣無故被動 A to be V.ed ) 2 10
4. 片語 1 5
5. 關係代名詞的省略使用 2 10
6. 單複數的一致性 1 5
7. 語義不清 1 5
8. 動詞時態 2 10
9. 連接詞 2 10
小結：
主要是用詞的習慣跟語感比較弱，不知道怎麼表達比較好。
另外就是專有名詞部份，在自己不熟析的領域可能要對此敏感一點多查字典。
另外 4 項比較弱的主要都是集中在句子的結構順不順的問題。
如贅詞、關係代名詞、動詞時態和連接詞的使用。
最後要在文章完成後多讀幾次，以確保單複數跟動詞在句子前後的一致性。
修改原文如下：
A chemical-based keeping fit method, BowNiSo, for losing weight
(1)
The obesity has been proved to have a major risk factor for
(2) (1)
cardiac diseases. In social consideration, the poor body shape also makes
(1)
people unconfident. However, to date, no effective method for keeping
(3)
fit has been found.
(7)
By a novel keeping fit (KT) method, BowNiSo, the decrease of abdominal
(1)
fat during the treatment was observed by magnetic resonance image (MRI).
This method is based on a seires of natural products isolated from the deep sea
(5) (1) (5)
anemone to keep people from eating fried chicken.
(4)
Subjects in this method showed that they all lost weight in significant
(2) (8) (8)
during the three-week experiment. The rate of losing fat was fivefold higher
(1) (1)
comparing to the control.
These results suggest that KT is a good method for losing weight, and
(6) (9)
may be used as a alternative method in current medicine. However, the mechanism
(9)
of the chemicals used in KT requies further exploration in the future.
(1)+(3)
再次感謝 :)
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※ 編輯: biolenz 來自: 140.127.160.142 (10/28 00:25)
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