[英中] 小說翻譯，懇請賜教（對不起，內容有點長）

看板Translation (筆譯/翻譯)作者adrolian (深藍)時間14年前 (2011/06/22 10:45)推噓4(4推 0噓 30→)

留言34則, 3人參與討論串1/1

大家好，我又來叨擾了。綜合看翻譯教課書以及我自己看翻譯書的經驗，我想翻譯的重點就在正確理解原文文意，以及用正確的中文寫出來。在試著翻譯的過程中，最困擾我的是「正確理解原意」這部分，因為我是自學，身邊沒有人來告訴我翻譯得究竟正不正確。至於譯文的流暢性還有翻譯腔的問題，我一直在努力揣摩。不過自己看自己總是看不準的，只好厚著臉皮將譯文貼上來，懇請各位前輩指教了。下文是哈利波特的一篇fan fic部分章節的翻譯，懇請指正。 -- One morning she goes for a swim in the nearby lake. Afterwards, clad only in a dark red bikini and one of James's shirts, she heads for the meadow where she generally conjures the house, and Albus appears in her path. The green-tinted shadows of the trees cool his robe's random glitter, pattern its silk with curious symbols. He resembles the wild green man of the woods, sly and strange and imbued with old magic. His hair shines coppery in the chlorophyll twilight. He's cradling something in both arms, something covered with a frayed pink blanket, and his chin is held high, his glasses impenetrable with leafy reflections. Then he tilts his head down and peers over them. 某天早晨，她去附近的湖泊游泳。後來，當她身上只套了件紅色比基尼泳衣與詹姆的襯衫，走向河邊那片她通常在那裡變出房子的低窪地時，阿不思就出現在她的行進路線上。在被染綠了的林木影子掩映下，他長袍上那些不規則地閃爍著的奇妙符號刺繡，不再那麼跳躍刺眼。他就像森林裡的野綠人，神秘兮兮，陌生奇異，充滿古老的魔力，頭髮在斑斕綠影間，閃耀著紅銅光彩。他輕輕搖晃著臂彎裡的某樣東西，某樣蓋著一件磨損的粉紅色毛毯的東西，他的下顎昂起，眼鏡因蓊翠樹影而變得無法透視。之後，他歪著頭，仔細端詳他們。 Lily, in sandals, lisps to a stop, and Albus smiles, bouncing the bundle while she buttons her shirt, uncomfortable to be half-naked in his presence. "Well met, my dear. Shall we walk a short way? I'd like you to meet Tom." 穿著涼鞋的莉莉，含糊咕噥一聲停下步伐，扣上襯衫鈕釦，對在他面前呈半裸狀態感到很不自在。阿不思一邊微笑，一邊上下搖晃懷中那捆小東西，「幸會，親愛的，我們散步一小段路如何？我想要妳認識湯姆。」 He pinches a fold of blanket and lifts it up to reveal a small, squinched face. Lily bends forward, then straightens with a jerk. "Heavens. Poor little sprog. What's wrong with him?" 他捏著毛毯折疊起來的一角，將毛毯掀了開來，露出一張皺巴巴的小臉。莉莉彎身湊前一看，猛地直起身來，「老天，可憐的小傢伙，他出了什麼問題？」 The baby's face is raw and scabby, scrunched reddish-purple with temper and pain. 那嬰兒的臉龐紅腫，長滿疙瘩，因憤怒和痛苦皺成紅紫色的。 "In this case? Hard to say. In a larger sense, of course, everything's wrong. And yet I can't actually determine the cause. As a consequence, however, little Tomhere is tetchy and ill humoured most of the time and needs constant looking after. I was wondering if you – " 「在這種情況下？很難說。當然，從更廣義的角度來看，每件事都出了問題，而且我真的還無法確定原因，可是就後果來看，這個小湯姆大部分時候都脾氣暴躁，心情不好，需要毫不間斷地照看。我想知道是否妳－－」 "Tom?" As the pieces fall into place, Lily's voice climbs an octave, with a screechy edge that makes her sound a lot like Tuney. "As in, Tom Riddle? You want me to help you take care of a blasted baby Voldemort?" She scuttles back in alarm and doesn't add, although her tone implies it, Have you lost your bloody mind? 「湯姆？」就像碎片落進了正確的位置，莉莉的嗓子高了八度音，由於處在尖叫的邊緣，她的聲音聽起來很像珮妮。「湯姆‧瑞斗的那個湯姆？你想要我幫你照顧一個可惡的佛地魔寶寶？」她驚恐得打住話語，沒再多說什麼，儘管她的語氣暗示著：你失去你該死的理智了嗎？ "Well." Unruffled, Albus turns away. Dead leaves swirl outward from the hem of his robes as he begins to stroll along the winding path through the woods. Lily finds she can't really refuse to follow, although her heart pounds as if she's been asked to do something life-threatening. "He isn't actually a Dark Lord in his present condition," Albus lectures genially. "In fact, he's more a life in potentia, if you take my meaning. That's why he's here. He's neither alive nor dead, and he could shift states at any moment. Pure possibility in naked infant form." He shoots her a sharp look. "But quite diseased, as you see." 「嗯。」阿不思平靜地轉身離開。在他開始沿著蜿蜒曲折的小徑漫步在森林中時，枯葉打著旋飛離他長袍的下擺。莉莉發現，儘管自己的心臟怦怦跳得好似被要求去做某件危及生命的事情，她還是不能真的拒絕服從他。「就目前的狀況而言，他確實不是黑魔王。」阿不思和藹地解說道：「事實上，他是處在更潛在的生命狀態，假如妳明白我的意思的話。這就是他在這裡的原因。他既不是活著的，也不是死去的，而且可能在任何時候轉換他的狀態。」他銳利地瞥她一眼。「就像妳所看到的，除了病得頗重外，他以全身赤裸的嬰兒型態出現，純粹是機率使然。」 Lily hurries along beside him, wrestling with her temper. Her wet hair annoys her by streaking the blue cotton shirt with drips, so she dries herself with a thought and then, surrendering to necessity, transfigures her outfit. There. She's decent now. Albus doesn't acknowledge her inward battle or outward transformation, except to walk for some distance in benign silence. 莉莉奮力對抗煩躁的情緒，急急忙忙趕到他身邊。濕漉漉的頭髮滴滴答答弄得藍色棉質襯衫上一條條的水痕，這情況令她惱怒不已，所以她稍一動念把自己變乾了，然後向迫切的需要投降，改變她的服裝儀表。這就行了，她現在很像樣了。阿不思沒有承認他注意到了她的內在掙扎或外在變化，但是很體貼地默默走遠了一點。 That's when Lily notices they've got company. Off to one side, flickering between tree trunks and underbrush, another figure keeps pace, gliding noiselessly on a parallel track. Tawny hair glows like gold coins in dappled sunlight, and if he's attempting to conceal himself at all, he's certainly doing a crap job of it. 這時候，莉莉留意到他們已經結伴而行。一旁，樹幹與灌木叢間光影搖曳，另一邊，風景寂靜無聲地定速滑動在與之平行的小徑上。在斑斕陽光的映照下，阿不思黃褐色的頭髮煥發金幣一般的光彩，倘若他企圖徹底隱藏自己的形跡，那他肯定做得蹩腳已極。 "The reason I'm asking you to help," Dumbledore remarks at last, tugging his sleeve free of the twigs overgrowing the path, "is that this pitiful – figment – is also part of Harry." 「我請求妳幫忙的理由是，」一邊將袖子從伸進小徑的嫩枝上扯開來，鄧不利多終於談到：「這個可憐的、虛構出來的小東西，也是哈利的一部份。」 Lily stops in her tracks with a squeal of breath, mouth working, aware that Dumbledore's robes have ceased rustling as he pauses on the path to wait her out. Dry leaves crunch on for a step or two before Grindelwald falls still. She feels his sly, amused gaze observing her through the stained-glass patterns of the leaves. Birdsong loops through the canopy, and feathered shadows flash by. Her mind races from one dreadful implication to the next. Merlin forgive her. She loathes Tom Riddle with every fibre of her being. What she feels for Snape is microscopic compared to her boiling hatred of Voldemort. She would grind him underfoot if she could, snap every bone in his body to prevent him hurting Harry. She would do anything. 莉莉尖銳地吸口氣，停住了腳步，嘴巴一再顫動著，同時察覺到由於鄧不利多暫時停在小徑上，等著她從震驚中恢復過來，他的長袍已不再沙沙作響。枯葉被一或兩個腳步踩得啪喳作響，然後格林戴華德靜悄悄的到來。她感到他淘氣愉悅的目光透過染色玻璃般的樹葉，仔細觀察著她。林蔭間鳥鳴悠揚婉轉，羽影一閃即逝，她的思緒從一個極其可怕的暗示急速轉到了下一個。梅林原諒她，她用身上的每一根纖維憎恨湯姆‧瑞斗。相較於對伏地魔的熾烈恨意，她對石內卜的厭惡小到要用顯微鏡才能觀察得到。倘若可以，她會把佛地魔踩在腳下碾過來蹂過去，折斷他的每一根骨頭，免得他傷害哈利。她會做盡一切。 But for him to be part of – for him to actually be Harry – 但他是一部份的－－他其實就是哈利－－ Eyes wet, insides quaking with horror, she stares at Dumbledore and realizes for one terrifying, world-shaking moment, that it's possible to hate him, too. 她的眼淚湧了出來，五臟六腑驚恐地顫抖著，在這個令人害怕的、震驚世界的片刻，她瞪視鄧不利多，領悟到憎恨他也是有可能的。 "Don't take on so," the old – or rather, not so old – man murmurs, slim hand patting a blanket-covered bottom. Even so, it's hard to tell whether he's cajoling the petulant child in his arms or Lily herself. When she drags her feet forward, chest aching too painfully for coherent speech, he gives her a sympathetic nod. At least he doesn't dare to pat her bottom. Sometimes she thinks Albus's compassion merely sugar-coats the poison he hands out like candy. 「別這樣，」這位蒼老的－－更確切的說，是沒那麼蒼老的－－男人喃喃說道，單薄的手輕拍蓋在毛毯底下的小屁股。雖然如此，還是很難分辨出他是在哄騙懷裡那個壞脾氣的小孩，抑或是在安撫莉莉。當她拖著腳步走上前，胸口疼得沒法把話說清楚時，他同情地對她點了點頭。至少他不敢拍她的屁股。有時候，她認為阿不思的憐憫不過是裹了糖衣的毒藥，他遞出這毒藥，好似遞出的是糖果。 -- ※ 發信站: 批踢踢實業坊(ptt.cc) ◆ From: 125.224.9.211 ※ 編輯: adrolian 來自: 125.224.9.211 (06/22 10:45)

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