PTT職涯區 / Translation (筆譯/翻譯)

[中英] 請教最佳翻譯!!

看板Translation (筆譯/翻譯)作者 (讀不完的書)時間13年前 (2011/11/05 16:48), 編輯推噓15(15推 0噓 51→)
留言66則, 8人參與, 最新討論串1/2 (看更多)
二次世界大戰被徵召入伍，水木茂在南洋感染虐疾臥病在床時，遭空襲炸傷感染，因而失 去左臂。 After being conscripted during World War II, Shigeru Mizuki lost his left arm in a bombing raid while bedridden with malaria. 我的試譯塞不進「南洋」和「感染」兩個概念，加進去會很長很不自然。 有沒有高手願意站出來？ -- 英語文工作室 http://www.wretch.cc/blog/jsengstudio/ 個板 defenestrate -- ※ 發信站: 批踢踢實業坊(ptt.cc) ◆ From: 122.124.102.59
推
11/05 17:09, , 1F
我頭暈...= = (刪掉囉XD
11/05 17:09, 1F
推
11/05 17:18, , 2F
不能拆成兩句嗎？
11/05 17:18, 2F
推
11/05 17:20, , 3F
bedridden from malaria contracted in Southeast Asia?
11/05 17:20, 3F
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11/05 17:27, , 4F
during a b/r while bedridden in 南洋 with m.
11/05 17:27, 4F
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11/05 17:28, , 5F
m 一定是感染,可不譯,中英修辭異.有時顯譯,有時隱譯.
11/05 17:28, 5F
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11/05 17:28, , 6F
但，傷口感染未說出，會被誤以為是炸斷的，故：
11/05 17:28, 6F
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11/05 17:29, , 7F
lost his left arm due to an infected wound sustained
11/05 17:29, 7F
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11/05 17:30, , 8F
during a b/r while (he lay) bedridden from malaria
11/05 17:30, 8F
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11/05 17:30, , 9F
contracted in Southeast Asia
11/05 17:30, 9F
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11/05 17:33, , 10F
重點就是這樣好長啊………
11/05 17:33, 10F
推
11/05 17:34, , 11F
把contract明說出來，因為想把m和南洋兜在一起，如去掉
11/05 17:34, 11F
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11/05 17:34, , 12F
contracted感覺有點怪，各位覺得？
11/05 17:34, 12F
拆句就變成：SM (XD) was conscripted. After being b-r w/ m contr in SeA, he lost his arm due to infection of a bombing raid injury. 好像可以更好。 ※ 編輯: spacedunce5 來自: 122.124.102.59 (11/05 17:36)
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11/05 17:36, , 13F
長句短句交錯才是好看的文章，寫短句的機會很多，逮到機會
11/05 17:36, 13F
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11/05 17:36, , 14F
秀個長句可以不必客氣
11/05 17:36, 14F
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11/05 17:37, , 15F
我的句子多半都很長。囧
11/05 17:37, 15F
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11/05 17:39, , 16F
此例兩者比較之下，我寧願讀長句。infection "of" 很怪
11/05 17:39, 16F
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11/05 17:40, , 17F
@usread: 我感染是指傷口感染致截肢而非感染瘧疾，sry
11/05 17:40, 17F
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11/05 17:40, , 18F
敘述型的內容我覺得可善用長句減少總字數避免累贅感
11/05 17:40, 18F
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11/05 17:41, , 19F
bombing raid injury infection XDDD (4 nouns 0_o)
11/05 17:41, 19F
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11/05 17:48, , 20F
wound
11/05 17:48, 20F
推
11/05 17:49, , 21F
惡搞XD: He suffered a WWII-conscripted-service-bombing-
11/05 17:49, 21F
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11/05 17:50, , 22F
-raid-wound-infection-necessitated left-arm amputation.
11/05 17:50, 22F
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11/05 17:56, , 23F
讚！XDDD
11/05 17:56, 23F
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11/05 17:56, , 24F
就決定用這個了（大誤
11/05 17:56, 24F
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11/05 18:04, , 25F
Being a conscript in Southeast Asia during World
11/05 18:04, 25F
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11/05 18:04, , 26F
War II, Shigeru Mizuki's left arm was injurd in a
11/05 18:04, 26F
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11/05 18:05, , 27F
bombing raid and then lost due to infection while
11/05 18:05, 27F
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11/05 18:05, , 28F
he was bedridden with malaria.
11/05 18:05, 28F
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11/05 18:06, , 29F
(以上亂試。請鞭！感謝。)
11/05 18:06, 29F
推
11/05 18:19, , 30F
這樣寫變成左臂在服役了:)
11/05 18:19, 30F
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11/05 18:20, , 31F
呵呵...尷尬...= =
11/05 18:20, 31F
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11/05 18:22, , 32F
being 前面直接加Shigeru Mizuki，後面改成his left...
11/05 18:22, 32F
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11/05 18:22, , 33F
這樣可以嗎?
11/05 18:22, 33F
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11/05 18:23, , 34F
(我再想想好了...XD
11/05 18:23, 34F
推
11/05 18:27, , 35F
SM being a ..., his left arm ... 表面上似無語法的問題
11/05 18:27, 35F
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11/05 18:28, , 36F
但就顯得怪怪的，可能因為 SM 是專名不是代名詞，說不上來
11/05 18:28, 36F
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11/05 18:31, , 37F
我覺得較保險的改法是 Being a ..., SM suffered/sustained
11/05 18:31, 37F
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11/05 18:32, , 38F
an injury of his left arm ... and then lost IT ...
11/05 18:32, 38F
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11/05 18:34, , 39F
嗯，謝謝指教
11/05 18:34, 39F
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11/05 18:45, , 40F
Being a conscript in Southeast Asia during World
11/05 18:45, 40F
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11/05 18:45, , 41F
War II, Shigeru Mizuki was bedridden with malaria;
11/05 18:45, 41F
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11/05 18:45, , 42F
at the same time, his left arm was injurd in a
11/05 18:45, 42F
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11/05 18:45, , 43F
bombin raid and then lost due to infection.
11/05 18:45, 43F
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11/05 18:46, , 44F
(越加越長...有空再縮短...ORZ)
11/05 18:46, 44F
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11/05 19:29, , 45F
哈沒看到第二個感染,那原文有些累贅呢.
11/05 19:29, 45F
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11/05 19:31, , 46F
瘧疾(O) 虐疾(X)
11/05 19:31, 46F
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11/05 19:31, , 47F
第一個「感染」改成「罹患」就好了？
11/05 19:31, 47F
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11/05 19:32, , 48F
（改原文幹嘛 XD）
11/05 19:32, 48F
推
11/05 22:56, , 49F
好久沒出現了 XD 我來試試（用詞沒太多變動）：
11/05 22:56, 49F
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11/05 22:56, , 50F
As a conscript in the South Pacific during WW2, Mizuk
11/05 22:56, 50F
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11/05 22:56, , 51F
was caught in a bombing raid while bedridden with
11/05 22:56, 51F
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11/05 22:56, , 52F
malaria, subsequently losing his left arm from the
11/05 22:56, 52F
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11/05 22:56, , 53F
resulting infection. 一般來講都英進中才會碰到「資訊過
11/05 22:56, 53F
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11/05 22:57, , 54F
量」的問題，這句中文還真是 information-packed ＝　＝
11/05 22:57, 54F
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11/05 23:18, , 55F
weeee333你的答案太讚了!!但我已經交稿了。
11/05 23:18, 55F
After being conscripted during World War II, Shigeru Mizuki lost his left arm from a bombing raid wound infection while bedridden with malaria in Southeast Asia. ※ 編輯: spacedunce5 來自: 122.124.101.2 (11/05 23:26)
推
11/06 02:19, , 56F
前半句甚至「As a WWII conscript,」即可。
11/06 02:19, 56F
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11/06 02:21, , 57F
除非要強調「被徵召」這件事。
11/06 02:21, 57F
推
11/06 06:47, , 58F
同意樓上，而且，As 甚至可進一步省去
11/06 06:47, 58F
推
11/06 13:21, , 59F
再跟Mizuk變成同位語？
11/06 13:21, 59F
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11/06 15:06, , 60F
對。
11/06 15:06, 60F
推
11/06 15:32, , 61F
我覺得這不是同位語耶，比較像補充supplement，或某種分詞
11/06 15:32, 61F
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11/06 15:32, , 62F
構句的減省
11/06 15:32, 62F
推
11/06 17:13, , 63F
A WWII conscript, 還原成 Being a...,或As he was a...,
11/06 17:13, 63F
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11/06 17:14, , 64F
所以是子句成份，不是同位語，這種成份總稱verbless clause
11/06 17:14, 64F
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11/06 18:34, , 65F
有 being/as 時是修飾語，去掉後，是同位語。
11/06 18:34, 65F
推
11/07 14:18, , 66F
有興趣的人請看回文討論A WWII conscript是不是同位語 :)
11/07 14:18, 66F
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